Taking My Space - Giving Spouse Theirs

[Valeska19]

Shorter. Trying to be more concise and less "I".

DRAFT 2:

WAW,

This letter must been very difficult for you to write. The honesty and respect you are showing me is important and I appreciate you writing me and telling me about your plans.

How about
W,
Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it.

We both have had a lot to navigate in this process of opening up and healing. If you need space for yourself, you should take it. [s]In reading your confusion and anguish, my wish for you is that you are able to find resolution and peace for yourself in all of your actions and decisions[/s].

Brunch was great on Sunday and our evening together was really special to me. I enjoyed our day together. Thank you for the validation of my patience in this process, your journey has been difficult and recognizing mine is very thoughtful.

I understand and respect that you need to make decisions for yourself, just as I make mine. I will keep your confidence in this letter.

Calling me would have been understandably difficult. Your decision to write me instead was best for both of us.

Be safe on your drive and take care of yourself.

RT


Not sending... just out loud processing Val!! Hope to hear from you on my "rush" response. Thanks ya'll!!!

[RealityTrip]

What do I really want to say? If I "Release the Kracken?"

WAW,

Thanks for letting me know your plans. (GLAD YOU FEEL BETTER CUZ I DON’T) I appreciate your honesty and respect in telling me. (IT’S ABOUT TIME. WHY NOW?.. AFTER 2 YEARS OF LYING?) I hope you find some peace and resolution for yourself in your actions and decisions. (I CAN’T SEE HOW YOU EVER COULD.)

I had a wonderful time with you when you were here and Sunday night was really special to me. (IT REALLY WAS! SO HOW AFTER THAT DO YOU DO THIS?) Be safe driving and take good care of yourself. (I HOPE IT’S MISERABLE AND I WON’T ANSWER IF YOU CALL)

RT

That is my "monster." Had to get it out. I don't really mean my inserts but they are what I would say if I was trying to hurt her.

Headed to bed. Fresh eyes and renewed spirit tomorrow. I'm embarrased by my nasty inserts but I need to feel them and let them go. Otherwise nothing I respond to her will ring true. For me or for her. Tomorrow.

[Wonka]

RT,

Your game plan is to present yourself as the more attractive option to W and slowly draw her back to you. Need to present yourself as a positive contrast to OW. Remember honey vs. vinegar? In an odd way, you also need to build up W's shattered sense of self and self-esteem.

Draft Response

WAW,

Thanks for letting me know your plans. I appreciate your honesty and respect in telling me. I hope you find some peace and resolution for yourself in your actions and decisions.

I had a wonderful time with you when you were here and Sunday night was really special to me.

Be safe driving and take good care of yourself.

RT

Comments

It is so much better than the first draft. I would suggest to show true empathy for W's feelings and build her up a bit. Below is just a suggestion.

WAW,

Thank you for your letter. It took a tremendous amount of courage to do this and I admire you for it. Sharing your thoughts and feelings had to be very hard for you. I really appreciate it and they will be kept in utmost confidence between us.


All of this must feel scary to you and it isn't be fun for you at all! If you need to talk, I'm here for you. I too enjoy our time together as well and had a wonderful time when you were here. It is my hope that you'll find some peace soon.

Be safe driving and take care of yourself.

RT

[Wonka]

Dang...missed the edit button.

WAW,

Thank you for your letter. It took a tremendous amount of courage to do this and I admire you for it. Sharing your thoughts and feelings had to be very hard for you. I really appreciate it and they will be kept in utmost confidence between us.


All of this must feel scary to you and it isn't be fun for you at all! If you need to talk, I'm here for you. I too enjoy our time together as well and had a wonderful time when you were here. It is my hope that you'll find some peace soon.

Be safe driving and take care of yourself.

RT

[bustingout]

How are you doing RT? I am reading along. I admire you immensely. I think you are getting great advice on how to respond. (((((( ))))))

[needgrace]

hi RT, thinking about you today.. you are getting some solid advice on the letter. ((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))

[RealityTrip]

I answered her. I sent my last draft. (without the monster edits) She sent me a picture of my dog that is with her that said "dog is missing u!" I borrowed the "Isn't that interesting?" thought from SD. LOL! Really... the dog is missing me?... while your with your AP? LOL!!

I responded that the picture was sweet and thanked her or it. Today is Monday... she is officially on her fantasy trip that she "doesn't feel good about" with her AP. My mind strays a lot on the this. I've been in a different state of mind. One where I am just over it all. Thinking to myself that if she doesn't come back from this time with the AP with any kind of decision about their affair, our marriage, or her life... that I'm ready to just be done. To move on. I don't know how I will feel tomorrow... maybe this is me protecting myself because her latest decision hurt so much?

Just made lunch plans with a friend for today. And my W's BFF is arriving on Tue for a few nights. I have plans to hear a band on Fri. GAL, GAL, GAL. So not in the mood for any of it but push ahead I will.

[RealityTrip]

BTW, Thanks so much to all of you for your support!!! Wonka, Val, InIt, BustingO... You all make things feel so much easier. I don't feel so alone. (((((((HugsToAll)))))))

[Wonka]

Good job!

Yep, try to GAL to get your mind off from W and the OW. Need tons of distractions. Believe me, I recall thinking about DXW and the OW whenever they got together. The hard part was when I drove DXW to the airport knowing that she was meeting up with OW. Not easy at all!! If I had to do it differently, I'd have DXW to figure out a way to the airport herself. This was done before DR and finding this site.

[RealityTrip]

Mind racing. I'm clearly failing at detaching or maintaining a level of detachment. But seriously... I don't ask my W what she's doing anymore, or try to bust her... NOW she wants to start telling me "oh by the way I know this hurts but I'm going on a vacation with AP etc...". Couldn't she have just left it where she didn't tell me... and since I now don't ask, then I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. Why did she have to tell me? To make herself feel better? Was I "As If'ing" to well and looked like needed a little drama? ohhhhh uugghhhhh!