Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[dorightman]

It's been 3 months since I moved out of the house. I have been sleeping at the apt most nights, but I spend the days at the house taking care of the dog and picking up the kids from school.
W comes home from work and I leave to work in the early evenings. Weekends are usually spent w kids, but not as a family, w takes one, I take the other.

There has been little to no R talk for the past couple months. W texts me when she needs me to help with anything. Talk is just about coordinating for the kids.
We are in IC separately with separate C's. W makes plans with her friends and kids without including me.

I have been supportive and loving and patient during this time. I decided I would do my best to extend myself to her lovingly no matter what negative vibes she projects towards me. I have been doing GAL and focusing on my kids and my work.

The cost of renting an apt on top of all the other bills has been difficult to manage for me and I asked my W if it would be possible to try living at home again. I told her things have calmed down between us, I've worked on myself for awhile now and the time has made things much calmer between us. I no longer cry or act out in front of her, or even when I'm alone. I think I'm finished the grieving stage.

Her response was that she didn't want to live with me, but that she understands it's my house too and she can't prevent me from returning home. She wants to talk about it in therapy next week, but I have to let my landlord know by tomorrow ! , otherwise I have to pay another months rent and I don't have the money.

I'm torn about it. I don't know what to do. If I give notice tomorrow, I will have a month to move out. I feel like if I do move back, I will be able to handle it much better then before. I feel more detached, although not fully detached. I would GAL as much as possible. I'm worried about making the decision myself and then having W resent me for it, but I also know that she doesn't want me to move back.
She is still on the Divorce path, she is still angry and resentful. She has not done any work to try to deal with her negative feelings towards me and all my loving actions towards her have not made any impact at all.

I told her if I kept the apt, she would have to help pay more bills, but she can't afford too either!

Stuck between a rock and a hard place! Any advice or thought greatly appreciated!

[Cadet]

Move home.

I did not go backwards to read why you moved out but that is the single biggest mistake someone getting divorced can make.

Let her move out if she needs space.

[dorightman]

Cadet, W wanted me to move out last August. I didn't because of the advice on this board. But as time passed, I was not able to control my emotions, crying and a few times when I really lost it in front of her and the kids. She was more and more determined to get me out and eventually after a big fight had the police come to the house and escort her into the house to get her stuff.
After that, I moved out because I was afraid she would have me arrested!

I never ever hit her or the kids, I just had about 3 emotion breakdowns, and I had all the normal reactions, crying, begging, etc

She was threatening to move out with the kids if i didn't, and I didn't want the kids to be affected. So I moved out.

If I move back, there's always the chance that she will move out and take the kids.

[Cadet]

If I move back, there's always the chance that she will move out and take the kids.

You can't control what she does, only what you do.
And maybe the kids.

I still say move back in!

[dorightman]

Thanks Cadet, I'll decide by the end of the day.

[dorightman]

journal update, weekend was nice family time. W was nice, kept to her plan, but wasn't negative. Longer hug this morning!

[dorightman]

I gave notice, I have till the end of the month before I move home.

Anyone have any advice on how to tell my w?
I don't think she's going to take it very well.

[MrBond]

Why on earth are you moving back now? You definitely aren't strong enough yet to do so.

[dorightman]

I can't afford to pay for the apt. I know it's not a good idea, as much as I want to be in my home with my kids, I just can't afford to pay for the apt anymore. I didn't have enough money to pay rent this month.
My w wants to talk to me about paying for the kids camp this summer and I don't have the money because I've been paying rent on top of all the other expenses, mortgage on home. etc.
I don't want conflict, I realize I can't have emotional reactions in the house anymore and I also know that w will be looking for any excuse to legally kick me out.
So , I have to leave the house anytime she tries to push my buttons.
I have to be cool.

That said, w may still not agree to me coming home and then I will have to find a place to crash.

[MrBond]

So what did your W say?