Let's dissect W's letter with the aim of aiding RT in recognizing the nuggets she proffered up in the email.
W's comments:
"First of all let me tell you that I love you. This is not a goodbye letter!" "I am trying to dig myself out... My life is in a shambles" she feels out of control and that appears to be scary to her
"I am searching for me. I am not always doing what's best for me." WAS code for feeling lost
"I am still in contact with AP. I seem to get reeled back in and whenever I let her back in we argue and I ask myself, what the F*ck am I doing?" This is quite interesting. It is the dopamine talking and she's in the throes of an addiction to OW
"When I am with you I enjoy our time.THIS IS SUPER BIG!!! Are you able to identify times, places, instances that allows W to enjoy her time with you?
My guilt and shame get in the way of my progress in any manner. I have never been so low in my life. WAS speak for the guilt over OP I see your pain in your eyes and hear it in your voice. I feel like I mislead you at times as to where I am with us.
"I am still very confused and can't be completely done with AP and I can't let you go." Dopamine again.
"I want to be honest with you. I am going to spend time with her. I don't know how long. I don't feel good about the visit for some reason but I am going to find out." Seems to be trouble in OW paradise
"I am afraid to be completely honest in this email because I'm afraid it could come back to bite me if you choose to send AP a copy." This goes to the crux of her trust issues. She needs to feel that you will honor her confidences however ornery they may be
"I don't think my future is with AP. She is too emotional and she knows I have not completely let you go." Smart insight into her dynamic with OW. Give it time to fizzle out
"I can't ask you to wait much longer. You are not second choice. This is about ending something and beginning something. I need to rectify this and that is what I plan on doing." This is incredibly perceptive of W. Wow
"You have been so patient and understanding while I have been navigating. I deserve whatever you choose to give me." In her twisted view, she feels she deserves punishment for her mistakes. I am wondering if she is waiting with bated breath for the axe to drop. Show nothing but compassion toward her
"If me spending a few days with her is a deal breaker for us, I will be heartbroken but that is what I deserve." Expecting the axe to fall again. Hmmmm
"Please forgive me. You are probably spent with forgiveness and I would understand. I promise to call you soon." WASes generally do want forgiveness at the deepest level. What's surprising here is that W has verbally articulated it to you. Store this info in the back of your mind for future reference.
"I love you... always and forever, WAW" "P.S...I am sorry I am not strong enough to call you with my voice and say what I am doing. I just can't bare to hear the pain in your voice knowing I am the cause of it. xoxo" This is an indirect cue to you to try to talk W as calmly as possible for the WASes cannot handle or deal with any form of pain from LBS.
At the end she says, "If you want to respond to this email, please do so."
