I want to draw your [and other DBers/Newbies] attention to this crucial point: When it comes to letter writing, it is critically important to make a distinction between getting it all out for your internal processing purposes and actually responding to the WAS' thoughts. Granted, I've written tons of letters and never sent them to DXW. However, in this particular situation, RT's W deserves acknowledgement for her vulnerability and willingness to share her inner turmoil.
Now, that said, the response needs to focus on the current reality that W's going through at this moment in time. As you all know, emotions are like passing clouds...they will dissipate over time. It is all about W and her feelings. It is not about you.
The draft letter lends too much focus on "I." It appears that you are trying too hard and trying to audition for some starring role in Annie. It doesn't work that way.
Instead what the focus needs to be is empathy and validation from an arm's length. It is W's journey to go through and take full ownership of her own feelings.
Quote:
WAW,
I understand [is that so...really understand? one can never understand what a person goes through] that the letter must been very difficult for you to write. Regardless of any other emotions I might be feeling right now it isn't about you, RT. leave it out, the honesty and respect you are showing me is important and I appreciate you writing me and telling me about your plans.
We both have had a lot to navigate in this process of opening up and healing. When you left for your brother’s again, I told you that I recognized you were leaving again because you still needed space for yourself and I said that I was prepared to give it to you. I am. [she heard you the first time around...no need to belabor the point and it borders on superiority as in "prepared to give it to you"]
I cannot speak to your affair [scratch any mention of affair...guilt-tripping]; I read your confusion and anguish and hope that you are able to find resolution and peace for yourself in all of your actions and decisions.
I am under no delusions of where we stand at this point [say whaaat? do you both really know where you both stand?] . I have come to a place of understanding that truth lies in what we do and not what we say [[what truth? pray and tell? again, it is not about you/b].
I have worked very hard on myself and know that I cannot control anyone’s feelings, actions, or decisions [b][this comes across as a bit judgemental...careful] . And I want you to make them for yourself, just as I make mine, so that when you come out of this, your life and your path are authentic [authentic based on what ASSumption?] .
I will not share your thoughts with your AP [for me, i wouldn't acknowledge OW at all. Act as if she doesn't exist at all. No mention of OW.] . They are yours alone to process, deal with and share with AP if you choose [yech! you don't want W to draw closer to OW!..again scratch this.
Thank you for the validation of my patience. I have always given it willingly. It is a true part of me. [this comes across as smug. be careful, sweetie]
I understand that calling me would have been difficult. I think your decision to write me instead was best for both of us.
Be safe on your drive and take care of yourself.
RT
Again, I would suggest that you re-write this letter to make it more concise and succinct with a more emphasis on empathy toward W's feelings and courage in writing the email to you. Leave out the "I"'s and turn the focus squarely on W.
And I want to remind you that there's no urgency in responding to W's email. It can be done in a few days from today or even one week later. Let this process occur organically.
you don't want W to draw closer to OW!..again scratch this