I've been fairly accused of trying to manage all my family's relationships for them, so take this with a grain of salt. This is about your kids and their dad. Less about you, though the grandad was a part of your life, the future of this stuff will belong to your kids. Try to enable thrm to be at the funeral.

If this ow is so important to their dad that he would bring her to a funeral (crappy as that may seem now) try to envision that she may be a part of their lives for a long time to come, and accept it. I want to hopefully be able to tell my kids that liking or loving who their dad is with is not a betrayal of me; it is what i want for them.

More likely i wd think if you have a conversation with h about encouraging the kids to go and receive the closure of a funeral and the chance to say goodbye...he wd hopefull agree to take them, without the ow. I just wd hope you can help them avoid becoming a bigger symbolic issue with their dad. Hugs.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.