"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Wendy, That must be really difficult. How can a person get on with a new life while living in the past!? I understand why you have to do this but you must be a Saint to do that.

It's good to hear that men seem to be coming out of the wood work lately and that you've been doing a little socializing with them. If nothing else it gets you out and meeting new people, right? I found your comment about needing/wanting a breathing man who wants more than to know what's to eat! I've been cooking for one most days but somehow he seems to find his way to the kitchen and dining room about the time that I sit down to eat. I feel bad for not cooking for him in some ways but he needs to know what life will be like when he moves out. Unless the ow comes to live with him (and learns how to cook), he'll be eating at restaurants or living on ice cream and coffee. LOL

Last night just as I pulled my dinner out of the oven he comes and sit down at the dining room table. He says, "Can I ask you something? I knew it was going to be something crazy because lately, when he says that I know it's going to something to either laugh at or get angry about.

Me: No comment, just look at him.

H: What are you going to do after I move? Are you going to date or find someone to live with you?

Me: (I'm sure I had a perplexed look on my fact) No, I don't think so.

H: Well, what are you going to do with yourself then?

Me: I'm going to continue to keep busy as I always have. Might try a few new hobbies but I have plenty to do as it is. Do you think I should be dating?

H: Oh. NO, I'm just wondering..............

Can't decide if he was fishing for something or just curious. Guess it doesn't matter, does it. They say the damnest things, don't they? LOL

I've had this strange sense that something else is going to happen. Maybe another BD. I wouldn't be surprised if just before or after he moves out that he'll file for separation. I just get this sense that something is happening. He's hot and cold, here and gone and seems to be getting deeper into whatever it is that's driving him to leave. It may be that the s!ut woman is moving here, it might be that he's questioning his decision.

He left his writing journal open on his desk and I took a peek at the page he had it open to. My eyes were drawn to a comment that he made. He actually wrote the question down, "How do I feel about leaving?" He wrote only two words in response to his own question. "Confused ?, excited !" So which is it bud? Only he knows but I vote for confused as he's been doing confusing things lately. He has lost all sense of time and days of the week. He seems to put one foot in front of the other most days yet has those days that he's truly exciited. Those "excited" days usually involve ordering things for our current house and the days that they are delivered. Like yesterday when 2 bowls that match our dinnerware showed up. He seems to need "new/different" to be happy.

He's on his way into the house so I'll post this and write more later.