Thank you all so much for caring about me. I just don't know which way to go right now. I mean direction wise. After all that H has done to me and the kids, all the pain, betrayal and lies why do I still even love him and want to try and save or maybe rebuild is a better word, my M. What does that say about me?? H hasme feeling so bad as it is that I feel like I actually am a complete idiot for having these feelings. Then on the other hand everyone thinks I need to just take him for everything he has got which isn't anything as he has spent it on JW. And he has " moved on" so why am I even considering standing... Another site I looked at before I found you all was all about me being this psycho-bit#% and to not even CONSIDER standing. I am just so tired and confused and my emotions jump back and forth in the same minute it seems.. I don't expect you all to make the decision for me I know I have to do it. I have no one except you awesome people that are in my corner as far as me even thinking about standing. How do you know which is right. He is a monster right now and my head says no way you are an idiot and a doormat. I feel like he has broken me. Then another part of me has these moments of clarity where I thinks I can do this and just be here while H works thru stuff. Then I think of how he thinks the JW is his salvation.... I am soo soo sorry to be rambling on and not making any sense. Thank you all for listening.
