DBing, GALing and living oh my!

[cbtdad]

Thanks MrCas. That's what I need to remember.
That's why I love this board

[uRworthy]

C, so glad you are making new memories with your son.

And yes, MrCas is right.

But I want to add, I wouldnt have added that little bit about son missing her.

Serves no purpose but to lay guilt on her and the backlash is that you had an expectation of her response and got angered when it didnt happen.

Also, in dbing, you want to be positive, right? So, a simple we are having an awesome time, gotta go make some sandcastles - might be better for next time, ok?

[makingmagic]

sounds like a great time Cbt... enjoy your time with your son!

[cbtdad]

Thanks Urworthy!
Those little reminders are helping constantly. Tough to break bad habits.
When I got back up to condo and saw phone W had sent another text.
She said, she hates seeing all these pictures on FB and now wishes she would have drive to atlanta so she could have come down here and surprised him tomorrow.
I haven't responded.
She is in atlanta with OM, I wish he would actually stop texting me.

[uRworthy]

Nope, that's a text I wouldnt answer. And if you dont want her to text, you know you have control over that, right?

In fact, you are having fun with your son. No reason to text unless there's an emergency regarding him.

Her feeling badly about not driving down there, not your problem.

Have fun!

[cbtdad]

Ugh!!
I am so not detached. I have got to really cut myself off from W.
For the last few weeks before this Thursday the wife and I had been talking, texting and really getting along. I thought this was a good thing because it just felt right and I figured it was good to show be able to show W some of the changes. And obviously she has noticed because she said she was even mad at me for changing now. And that she is really confused and feels like she needs to make a choice. It was good because until that talk a few days ago all of the hanging out and talking was without R talk or very very minimal.
I was feeling as though I could be around her and anything she would say or do wasnt really effecting me.
Fast forward to this evening. She left Thursday to go to atlanta which is were OM lives. She has been texting me and I have been texting her but just about son and pics from the beach.
Well good old dreaded FB(yes MrCas it is te devil)
She gets tagged in a picture with two of OM's friends(girls)
So of course I see this and immediately it brings up negative feelings in me. So clearly not detached. It bothers me because this friend that is in the picture with her is a girl that is very close to OM and W has even admitted that she would have to cut out all OM friends as well if we work on things.
Well she made that pic her profile pic.
I'm probably reading way too much into this.
But it just shows me I am not nearly as detached as I thought I was.
I need to break the contact with W except for things that need to be discussed a out son. I now realize its the only way I can really detach.
I have to do this for me because this feeling I have is not healthy at all

[uRworthy]

C, do not look at her facebook. It does not serve you well.

And yes, you are reading into it and that doesnt serve you well either.

It is time to really and truly detach. Otherwise round and round you go. Leave her to her journey, C. You walk yours.

[cbtdad]

Thanks Urworthy!
It's clear as day to me that I have to detach.
I've had such a wonderful weekend with son.
Bittersweet at moments seeing families together, but overall just wonderful.
I just know that the fact that I would have those emotions is not good and that the phrase, "I just cannot allow myself to be in a relationship, where my partner chooses to engage herself physically and/or emotionally with another man.", truly is for myself.
If she wants to work in herself and not go to MC together without an OM in her life then I think I could handle what the last few weeks were like.
But as long as OM is involved its just way to toxic for me

[uRworthy]

Hey C, so glad you had a great time with your son. What good memories you are making with him.

Just wanted to say that the detaching should not be only if she is in contact with om. It should be because it is healthier for you. The thing is that you were having expectations. You were wondering, if you got along so well these past few weeks, why cant she work on the marriage. And it makes it difficult for you.

And detaching is also for her. To allow her space to work out her stuff and to show you heard her.

[cbtdad]

Thanks for the reminder Urworthy!
I'm still a work in progress:)
Not sure what deal is with OM as wife and I had an interesting text exchange on my way back from beach:

Me: If your flight leaves on time I'm going to just bring him to your moms about 545

W: ok. I'm so ready to come home

Me. K. Not sure how to take that

W: It means I'm ready to get away from here and to see my son

Me: ok

W: it means I'm ready to leave here and not come back

Me: ok, have a safe trip

W: thanks, can't wait to get home


Not sure what happened, but I'm not going to ask and it doesn't matter. I need to detach for the reasons you stated above