MLC by MIL death/daughter car accident/new job

[Live4myDay]

So I'm doing pretty good before the impending visit. Whenever I start to get that anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I stop and say, "so what! I won't see him and it doesn't matter." He is just another visitor I don't have to deal with." I get a break for the weekend. Woo Hoo!

I haven't any plans yet. I don't ever get any days to myself. I'm not going to let their plans ruin my weekend. The kids get to enjoy a two days with their dad. That's it. He's their dad. No longer my husband. I am free to be me.

I've decided to stay "dark" but I did offer to have dinner available for them at my place and that I had plans but they were welcome to hang out there instead of hotel room. I'm also offerning my car since its more handicap accessible for our D. Just trying to put that out there. Being friendly but showing that I am too busy.

I'm so excited to spend the next couple of weeks with my son. I am the one with the family. He is NOT; he has OW now. I think I got the better end of the deal.

I'm focusing on MY life and everything that's changed about it and refuse to focus on HIS life without us. So not fair. But it was a choice HE made when he wanted out. Not being vendictive or anything. Not even being bitter. Just know in my heart I tried and still do love him. Maybe not the person he is right now, but I know he's in there somewhere.

I choose LOVE. For whatever form that may be for now. I am the happy one. He can say that his life is so much better now and wouldn't change a thing... but I don't believe that trading me off is worth the relationship he had with his kids. Maybe he thinks that will change in the future. And he's right. But to me it's not worth banking on it and losing the time with them.

Just rambling on. I'll keep you posted if things change...I haven't got a Plan B. ?? but then again...NO EXPECTATIONS.