What are you getting/looking for in dates - Part 2

[Underdog]

Hey all,

I've had a good night's sleep and feel a whole lot better about everything now. I think some of my malaise and 2nd guessing is a little bit from the maudlin effects of not getting enough shut eye.

I had a text from him last night wishing me a good night, and again this morning wishing me a good day and that he's thinking about me. At least there is respect here. So I think that dodged one bullet. At least for now. Since our date Sunday is at a restaurant with a fabulous outdoor view, I can say with 100% certainty that we won't be conducting any monkey business there!

Wii, I think it's okay to have those lust filled Rs. As long as nobody is confusing it with love, what's the biggie? Unfortunately, I know that usually one partner develops feelings over time and someone gets hurt. That bites.

And to weigh in with Clay and Gineen on the topic of first date sex, I know you're right too. Actually, the big love of my life was the BF I had before I got married. It was magical and one of those types of things that was a chance meeting and there was a tug that some would say was love at first sight (I don't believe in that), that just was compelled to occur. I met him visiting my sister in Scotland on a water taxi back to her flat (he was working for a contractor and also a fellow Virginian). We slept with each other the first date, and wound up conducting a long term love affair for a couple of years. We still keep in touch - he's happily married with kids and we have a mutual respect for each other.

BTW, it took me a long time to figure out why I didn't marry him. I dumped him for Mr. Wonderful, even though I hated doing that. He was really good looking as well as smart as hell - a mechanical engineer who was anything but geeky - but also didn't take it seriously and was always nice to women and trolls. He was hit on constantly when we dated. The reason I fell in love with him was because of how he treated them. He'd tell them that I was his lady love, he was out with me, and it was a sign of disrespect to dismiss me, and he didn't appreciate it. They usually apologized to both of us. Anyhoo, over time, the constant attention bugged me. I'm not a jealous person, but you get a steady diet of that and it makes you become someone you don't like. That's why I broke up with him. He told me years later that I broke his heart. That bummed me out.

Anyhoo... getting back to Gineen.

I know I won't run into him in the grocery store.

Nope, I wouldn't discount that. When you are supposed to meet someone, I am a wholehearted believer of divine intervention (see water taxi story above). Is it likely? Probably not. But someone actually does win the lottery every week, don't they? Why not you?

I know I won't find him from my couch.

Now that IS true! In fact, that's why I did the online thing. My couch is really comfortable, and while I can fantasize there all I want while watching romantic comedies, nobody will pop into my living room!

Most of my activities are with my married girlfriends. Are family oriented bar blues where everyone has there significant other and then there is me. I'm ok with it but would love to have " the one" with me. I just really have no clue to go about this. I have the problem where I am in a much much different place than men my age.

Yes, I know EXACTLY that feeling! When I hung out with the volleyball directors, their spouses would often join too (whom I all like as well). I was always the fifth wheel, and often wished I had someone else to share my experiences with while with them. I just tamped down those feelings, stuck with the program and decided that I was going to be the best friend I could.

Ok, so you answered the big question:

I'm scared scared scared, but ready. I ant someone who wants me just as much if not more.

Then let's make sure your online profile is rock steady with who you are and what you want. Let's give these guys the road map. If they can't read a map, then they can get lost!

You are so young, and definitely deserve having a partner - someone to give Gabby more brothers and sisters if that's what you want. And if that's your heart desire, Gineen, you definitely should get that. I'll be your cheer leader. I'm not saying you're gonna find him online, but at the very least, why not look at this as practice for when you DO meet Mr. Tall, Dark and Hot?

Let's just look at this as spring training!

The really great news for you and Clay is that the men and women in your desired candidate pool are all at the time in their lives where they are seeking a partner with the same qualifications as you have. They aren't usually so jaded and disillusioned like those in my age pool. I don't want you to let us old farts dampen your enthusiasm and hope that you can find him. Because I believe with all my heart that you will. You just have to believe that too!

Hugs to everyone today-

Betsey