Crimson.....Holy smokes, I'm piecing,

[25yearsmlc]

You know, GM, that is a good question. On the one hand, I do - just by virtue of the fact that we are both trying to work on things and move forward after all of the hell we have been through. Yet on the other, she still refers to a lot of things from the past when we talk about where things are going.....hurts, times when she felt like she wasn't being listened to and so on. I really try to fight the urge to take those things on and sometimes I succeed and others I fail.


who said SHE feels forgiven? She sure resist a lot of introspection (at least in front of you.)

Maybe she does not feel forgiven or she isn't forgiving of herself and
to still bring things up from the past about you, AND YET SAY

she just wants to "Be"...as she is now...

well, which is it?

She cannot have it both ways..."No working on ME ==but I want to whine some more about what YOU did"....

Am I missing something?



Notwithstanding, I feel that if I was TRULY forgiven these things would take their permanent place in the past.

Forgiveness is a process and a series of choices made over time and it's NOT linear...that's all I can say. Although I also assume she wants to forgive you but without the tools....who knows?

I don't know how much revisiting is necessary. And, to be honest, sometimes her bringing up the past leads me to respond in kind. Not in an "in your face" manner, but I find myself explaining myself and my actions again.

25 - I am open to getting outside help. And I hope she is, too. However, during one of our talks she said "I just want to 'be'. I want to live where who I am, how I am is OK.....and not have prove anything to anyone or always reads books or see counselors". What do I do with that??

You SLOW WAY DOWN...that's what.

And she has to speak clearly about what she DOES want...but I can see her desire to not take the temp of the R too often.

Some of this is trial and error...

Crimson