Letting Go & Moving Forward 2

[littleGTO]

Hi, all!

I took a little break from here to throw an awesome PAR-TAY!!! It was A LOT of fun! Had about 45 people in and out all day. The weather wasn't the best but good enough for all the kids to be outside all day! (They had a blast as well!)

Only 2 people even asked me where H was (He told me the day before he assumed I realized that he wouldn't be coming...I told him I didn't assume anything, but that was he decision.) My answer to the Q was, "He isn't going to be here today."

When I didn't follow that up w more detail both people who asked just let it go. And, that was about it for conversation concerning H all day/night long!

A few different men stepped up and asked if I wanted help with grill duty which I gladly accepted (so I could socialize, of course). And, I really didn't stress about anything that day.

I did have a little too much to drink, but I just laughed a lot (wow, I didn't cry!) and I was far more talkative and animated than usual, I think (at least that is what a friend told me the next day).

My next door neighbor (D dad of a 3 yr boy) showed up & I dare say I actually flirted w him a bit! He texted me the night before that he wouldn't be able to come, so I texted him back that I'm sure I'd see him out and about this summer then signed the email - my name & boys. Well, then he showed up.

It felt, well, strange to be flirting w another guy (very innocent). Plus, this guy is WAY younger than me (but very cute). I guess it gave me some self-confidence that I will be okay and that yes, I can still show a flirty side & that someone else will reciprocate!

Anyway, the next morning H showed up early and started helping to clean up but hurt his back (doing virtually nothing), so he was lying flat out on the couch telling me over and over that he wanted to help me clean up.

He said he was in a very bad place and this whole party thing stressed me out. He wanted to know who came and what I told them about him not being there. While I know I didn't owe him any explanation I decided to be open w him, as I felt like I handled the few questions about him well.

He just doesn't get that this party wasn't AT ALL about him! It was about ME MOVING ON!

After about 15 minutes and him saying over and over that he just couldn't hang out here all day he left. I asked him if he wanted to see the boys and he said "no" he just needed to be alone and "think about things."

I did call him later in the day to check on him and he said he was "laying out in the sun reading a book his C recommended." I was shocked a bit. In all the years I've known H he has probably only read ONE other book!

Also, he has been seeing C more lately.

Not sure what's going on but he definitely doesn't seem HAPPY. Imagine that--he's on his own, w OW on the side (maybe????) and he's still not happy. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe it wasn't all me!

Anyway I tried not to get caught up in his depression after the high I had from my party.

Any thoughts about H's lack of happiness and his stress over this party I had???