I was just laying in bed- not too sleepy but have to get up at 5 - and thought i'll just drop in here and see if anything is going on.
thank you for your thoughtful and kind reply. i think i'll sleep better- just "hearing" you say what you have - i feel better and i hear the reason in your voice. it's stuff i should know- i just lose my way now and then.
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I've learned that they can do whatever they want and it really doesn't have anything to do with how they feel about us, they just buried us deep enough to not concern themselves. I think we are the safe, comfortable, home to retreat to, the light house if you will.
buried is the rite word. i still find myself surprised that i am so minimized - and think i've got a huge ego to be so unwilling to accept i could be soooo nothing.
I tell myself it's about him- - then i tell myself "yeah, rite, that's what you WOULD tell yourself wouldn't you? what you want to believe" - my usual drill- devil's advocate - spent too many years around attorneys maybe?
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I pray God does see and is carrying us through these hard times! That's all I got!
what you've got is quite enough- i can't thank you enough for this pep talk at a dark moment.
I do think he'd be crazy to scrap me - and sometimes i still want to give him credit for being a better person than he currently is - - i just don't know anymore. it sounds crazy - but linda dying- him freaking out and now my mom getting really really hostile with the bad memory stuff and paranoia - some days it seems like too much exotic junk for just a regular old person in her regular old life. like everyone is just spinning out of control. . my life attitude is so ho hum - and that was always fine. i can't believe it's such a giant $hit tornado all of a sudden- some body pinch me and wake me up. see- it's that ego- like why should i be exempt from life's big junk - rite???
okay- hope your nite and you are okay- and thanks again- think I have one little glug of baileys and sleep.
xxoo ((( ))) i know you are rite about how much worse it could be - honestly - i need to do a big attitude adjustment tonite - you're so nice not to judge me when i'm being self-indulgent. thanks dawn...
