My world got turned upside down

[littleGTO]

LW,
First of all, my heart goes out to you!

My first BD was last June so it's been almost a year since my H told me he is in love w OW. So, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now.

I do have to second that THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU. Saving your M is not your first goal here, I have to be honest. Saving yourself IS.

So, breathe, sleep and eat (I know this is impossible but try). Take one day at a time...one hours at a time when you need to. Your mind will be all-consumed with your situation for a while.

Find ONE THING to do that makes YOU feel a little better (exercise? shop? paint your toes? take a warm bubble bath? beat a pillow w a wiffle ball bat?) You choose!

I know this hurts! It sux! It isn't fair! But, others are right. The crazy monster that your H has become is NOT him--it is an irrational, spewing, self-centered version of his childish self.

Will he return to you? Maybe, but he will never be the same person as he was before.

I am going to speak a difficult truth here. You LOVE him, but you do NOT love this person he has become. You want to save your M, but the M you had is OVER. YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON!

That doesn't mean you won't have a new R w your H in the future. It doesn't mean you have to give up the happy memories of the M you had (and yes, you DID have it, so don't let him rewrite the past in your head). It doesn't mean there isn't HOPE of reconciliation.

It just means you are in for a LONG HAUL. MLC doesn't happen overnight or end overnight. So, it the meantime you do need to protect yourself (and I was happy to hear you contacted a L) and you DO you to start "taking the bulls by its horns" and do what is required to function.

And, BTW YOU are the most important part of this situation.
You are WORTHY! You are IMPORTANT! You deserve a healthy R, but it won't be w H for now. Accept that. Tough words, but I have been where you are and know the truth of this journey.

Go to my thread to read what I've learned through all this.

Hang in there! You will be OKAY NO MATTER WHAT!!!