So today is my 12th wedding anniversary. I was in a pretty sad mood this AM. Then I switched my thoughts and my perspective and felt better...After all, it's just a date on the calendar, I said to myself. This actually worked.
Around 2:00 PM, Joe called. He said he wanted me to know he was thinking about me and that he "sincerely hoped" I was doing well. I said he always said that. He said he meant it. He also mentioned he read my message about still being hurt for everything he did and that he didn't know how to reply to it.
He asked me about what I'd been up to so I shared some of my most recent speaking engagements and blog. Didn't tell him about my book. I wonder what he'll say when the book is published. I don't talk bad about him, but I do reference him and some of his behaviors...I don't think he'll love it.
He shared some stuff about work. Overall, it was a pleasant conversation. He said it'll never be easy to see each other but that it'll be something different in the future, and that he admired my integrity and my positive attitude. Also said I would've been proud of him bc someone was talking bad about me and he "strongly" defended me. I wonder who that person was. My guess is one of the OW from work or his sister, who somehow never liked me.
How do I feel? Well, I feel like I need to listen to the advice in my book all the time, because it works really well. Sometimes I backslide, but what can I do. And I need to fully forgive Joe, which I know I haven't done even if I say I have. And I need to fully detach from the past, from his hurtful behavior, from his present behavior, and from my own frustration. I need to detach from the pain. That still is a work in progress.
I thanked Joe for calling me. He's been a total jerk, but I think he now realizes that the way he behaved wasn't the most mature or compassionate. He still has a long way to go, but I guess I do too. Time to move on and forgive. I'm on that path...and it takes a long time, but I will eventually get there.
