As a social worker, I definitely recognize the wisdom of letting your wife have her space and time to figure out what direction she wants to take, but I also think it is important for you to let her know (if you haven't already done so) that through counseling, the materials you've read, and most importantly your own self reflection you have come to accept that 1) She needs this time and space to figure out what direction she wants to take in life, 2) You support her in this process, even though it saddens you that she is gone, 3) Your love for her remains, no matter what she ultimately decides, and 4) You are open to talking with her if she decides that she is ready. I'm only midway through the Divorce Remedy book, so maybe you have more knowledge about what Wiener-Davis recommends regarding regarding leaving her alone, but in my humble opinion it might make all the difference to her to actually know how you really feel right now as opposed to hearing nothing from you and possibly reaching her own self-fulfilling prophecy confirmations like, "See, the fact that he's not saying anything only proves that he doesn't care or isn't interested in me." Letting her know these 4 points in a non-judgmental way will give her the messages that you still care yet you are willing to let her figure things out on her own timetable, do not resent or hate her for feeling the way that she feels, and you are "leaving the light on" (like Motel 6) for her in case she decides that she is ready to come home and begin to talk things out. It will also show her that you care enough about the relationship to invest time in counseling, reading, and self reflection, and you are willing to make changes for the future. It's possible that these might be sticking points for her. Her knowing how you are currently making changes might be the start of the "heat" she's looking for to melt away the ice that has formed between you. One e-mail from you could make a big difference in how she is interpreting things. Just some food for thought...
What he says makes sense, but I'm hesitant to follow through with this advice. Stating these things seem to go against my acting "as if" stance and seem to put me in a place a weakness. I also don't want her to think that I'll always be there as her back-up plan. Confused...
Any advice?
Me:38, Wife:36 M:8 T:13 No kids Bomb:3/10/13 W moved out:3/30/13 Started D paperwork: 10/14/13 D final: 12/30/13 To a future of love and happiness...
