What are you getting/looking for in dates - Part 2

[Underdog]

Hi all!

You certainly have taken up a lively conversation since yesterday afternoon!

Wii, that list is THE funniest thing I've ever read! My favorite on there is:

You had better look like your photo... or you're buying me drinks until you do!

I wish I thought of that! That's amazing!

Before I tell you about him, I want to say something to Gineen. I hope you don't take this wrong, dear girl. And I mean this sincerely for all the right reasons. Maybe it's just not a good time for you to date? At least using online methods? Other than meeting Mr. Right at the grocery store and falling in love, what are your goals for it? Are you looking for Mr. Right? Mr. Right Now? Or a sometimes companion to occasionally go out to dinner or a movie?

I'm probably the worst role model in the world for you. I didn't date for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS. I regret NONE of it. I knew my D19 was not wild about sharing me, and I didn't want to miss out even one hour of her growing up and following her around volleyball courts like the gypsy I was. I focused 100% of my attention to being their mom.

In the meantime, I had to find *some* way to fill that gap. For 6 years, I was the bookkeeper for her volleyball club. My closest friend there was someone who was like a brother to me. In fact, his wife called me his work wife LOL. I went out in groups with them. I was one of the guys, and occasionally, one of the girls. I played golf with them. I went to hockey games with them. And when I wasn't with these guys, I hung out with the parents who became dear friends over the years. Filling my life with friends helped tremendously.

Somewhere along the line, I actually didn't want to date at all. My friends told me that I wore a "go away" sign on my persona, and apparently it did the trick.

I'm not suggesting you do what I did or take as long as I did. But just maybe a time out for a few days, weeks or months to figure out what you'd do with Mr. Tall, Dark and Hot if he knocked on your door tomorrow. Actually, that's how I knew I wasn't ready to date - I could visualize him, and I didn't want it. So easy peasy for me. The only thing I could picture saying to him was "F*ck off. Come back next year." That pretty much told me I wouldn't know a good thing if it was packaged with a bow.

And if you say you want to continue the march, I will support you on that. Why don't we help you tailor your profile a bit to use strong verbiage?

Okay, so my night. It was good. He's sweet and kind and what he said he was behind the online wall. He met my D19, and I know I'm going to be having a long discussion with her tonight after work. They seemed to like each other. He had a few beers while we watched City Slickers, was not comfortable driving home, so he spent the night. Yep. The starving chick showed up at a banquet and just couldn't help herself.

The good thing? He definitely wants to date me. He's engaging, works hard and actually enjoys communicating. So check there. At least I didn't do the walk of shame.

I just want to talk to D19 about my failing humanity, and let her know I'm not going to be a dolt and make her feel uncomfortable in her own home ever again. Mr. Sweet Stuff said he'd definitely tell her that he likes me and that he doesn't want her to think that it's meaningless.

So somewhere in the middle of the night, he pretty much told me what Wii said. He also added that he knows a lot of men who are divorced and that all they want is easy sex, they're not nice about it and they don't care if they hurt others because it's all about them. He also said they seek low lying fruit, and they are mean because they don't want a relationship. Being an a*hole guarantees the self confident woman seeking more will run away. How pathetic is that?

I also told him a little bit about our conversations here. Including the junk stuff. He told me he'd NEVER do that. But the sad, sad, no, pathetic thing is that he knows men who do. And furthermore, he's had the same thing happen with women.

I hid my profile yesterday because I don't want to answer 65 messages or flirts. Half of them live somewhere else. I told him I did it. And he told me he's really glad because he wants me all to himself. We have our first official date on Sunday evening. And I'm happy about that.

Try not to be too disappointed in me for being a weak, weak woman. I'm 51 and I had forgotten how awesome it is just to have a man hold me and rub my hip and tell me how beautiful I am and how much fun I am. It's heady stuff. And even if it's not a long term thing, I am totally embracing the Mr. Right Now concept.

He asked me what I want. I told him I was still figuring myself out, but my profile intentions right now are accurate - a casual relationship. I told him that I'm open to more, though, but that I just don't *need* to be in a relationship on the marriage track right now. He said he was okay with it for now, but that he's hoping for more commitment down the road. I told him that girl may or may not be me, and he accepted it.

So this morning, he's texted me and let me know that I'm everything he thought I'd be and more. That's about as good as it gets in my world. I just need to figure things out with my D19 now. Hopefully, it won't be the worst talk we've ever had. At the very least, she and I can communicate about this stuff.

So that's my story for now. Sigh.

Betsey