Me: what do you want to do with our M? (Newman, why are you going there? You know per DB'ing you should NEVER initiate talks like this, unless you're prepared to end the M because that's usually what it forces the WAS into saying) Her: idk it's so hard (Typical WAS response) Me: well we can't be in limbo forever (You're applying pressure to her, forcing a response, and that response will be to end the M) Her: I know but I have no feelings for you (Again, typical WAS response) Me: well it's obvious I'm the last person you care about and your "feelings" for me is gone then we should go our separate ways. We should do it as early as next week. (If your goal is to save the M, then ultimatums like this drive you farther and farther from your goal) Her: ok Me: we will give the house to the kids so that they don't have to move from place to place. I will live with my mom you live with your parents or idk wherever you wanna live. (Sounds like you're really trying to control the sitch, that's very disrespectful towards your W) Her: I'm not moving out. Me: then I have no choice but to take my kids with me on the days I have them at my mom's house. Her: no lets leave them here ok I will talk to my parents. Me: we should talk with kids over dinner next weekend. Her: ok
First, do you want to end the M (or otherwise force your W to end it)? Second, if the answer to that is "yes", have you really given yourself time to consider if you really do want to go there? Because in my sitch, there was a time that I was convinced that I was done and I was ready to initiate D. But I resisted forcing the issue and gave myself a few weeks to really think about it. After that soul-searching, I discovered that I really didn't want to end it, and so I went back to GAL and giving my W time and space. Don't make any rash decisions, give YOURSELF as much time and space as you give your W.
