Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

So I had a not so great interaction with W this morning. W still feels she is the only one sharing her feelings and not getting anything in return. This has been a recent turn of things and I am not sure how to deal with it. There are a lot of emotion inside me that I don’t believe is productive to share with W at this point in time. She is also feeling controlled because when she said we need to set a schedule to talk about feelings, I told her I am not sure how that will work but I will think about it and get back to her (I was getting ready to go to work). She said that I always have a veto power which she has said so many times. I don’t believe I have a veto power but I do have a right to agree or disagree when it deal with me as a participant but participate. I explained I am for talking about our feelings but I am not sure if a set schedule would work and would like to think about it.

On my way out I asked if she had plans this evening and she said asked if I did, I told her that I did not but by that time we were both in a bad mood as she pointed out how I was not there for her. I told her that I’m sorry that she feels that way and then I got the sorry is not enough its too late ( I have heard that so many times so I am starting to resent it and I know I shouldn’t as that is how she feels right now).

She said she wants to talk this evening after S goes to sleep and I am trying to figure out how to approach it. I want to know for a H that has been labeled emotionally not there for so long, how do I handle this? How do I know when it is right for me to open up to her without feeling like I am being judged for feeling the way I have or I do. I honestly don’t feel safe talking to her about my feelings of what is going on in the M. Half of those feelings are not even fully explored and understood yet. I have a session with IC today and I wanted to tell the MC for us to focus on my own issues and not only the issue within the M.