Urworthy as always you are so right. The being around each other and being friends and having fun begins to build those expectations back up again. Then when things don't go like I thought they would I get a little deflated. My emotions are so much more in check than they use to be though. I remember months ago times like this I would just shut down for a few days and wouldn't want to do anything. Now it's like the conversations happen and I just keep pushing forward. The limbo is what gets me the most now. I guess that is where the patience comes in. I do need to let her go and work on herself. She is so lost and emotional is unbelievable at times. I just know for me I have got to create that distance to continue improve myself. Thanks for all the advice.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Hi cbt... an interesting post as read on PON's thread:
here is a little piece on the Difference between Giving up and Letting Go...
I think letting go is the same thing as detachment. Or darn close...
Giving Up vs Letting Go
“There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle to limit your opportunities and keep you stuck.
Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. It means removing toxic people and belief systems from your life so that you can make room for relationships and ideas that are conducive to your wellbeing and happiness.
Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it. Giving up is imprisoning. Letting go is liberation. Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care.
So the next time you make the decision to release something or someone that is stifling your happiness and growth, and a person has the audacity to accuse you of giving up or being weak, remind yourself of the difference.
Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to live your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live. No one gets to decide what your life should look like or who should be a part of it. No one, but you.”
And remember, Our lives really are not very long…live yours well.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am trying to see her as my friend and nothing more, yet it is still hard.
I am trying so hard to work on myself.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks for sharing that WFM. JP, I know you can do this. I know you are trying so hard. You have the CHOICE to be a different person. That's what it is. Your past is your past and it can stay there. One day at a time. You are not going to wake up and just be strong an all of your emotions will just be gone. It's going to take work but you will love the outcome. Be friends with your W if you can handle it. If its too toxic for you let it go like WFM says above. I have no problems with the friends part if OM is out of picture, but I see clearly now that I can't if he is. It's not fair to ME! Not about her. I told my wife yesterday that I am scared silly. In scared to be with her because I'm not sure if things will really be different and that she can change. I'm scared to be without her because we made a commitment, we have a child together, hopes and dreams all of it gone. It's scary either way. I even told her I'm scared to work on things an possibly mess up how well we are getting along right now. Because its been reall good for son. But what's best for son is that we reconcile and have a happy marriage and show him what hard work and loving someone can do. Man JP! This stuff is so hard. It would be so much easier to give up and move on. But that's not the type of person, father or man I want to be. So I keep working on me everyday. Everyday JP, you can do this'
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I posed that in response to your post, as a thought for you as to where I am. I didn't mean to post on your thread about me, sorry if it came across that way.
Thank you for your words and encouragement!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
