wbw, I honestly can't and shouldn't advise you, but I will tell you that once we retained attorneys everything went down hill. We have been very contentious at times. There has been nonstop sparing between the attorneys and it has been a highly stressful and emotionally charged situation for too long.
However, you do need legal advice before you agree to anything. I'm sure there are many situations were people split amicably, but I haven't read about one here. What seems to commonly happen, and happened to me, is that soon after the WAS leaves they feel guilty and seem to want to do the right thing, making sure their family is provided for. But, once reality sets in and they realize what D will cost them and what their legal obligations will be their mindset changes. If you and your H can work out an agreement with a mediator, and be advised along the way by an attorney, then you might avoid the legal trap and I strongly suggest you avoid it if you can. It will really depend on whether you can work together to get the best possible outcome for your kids.
Once fear sets in, the anger will start. My H is very angry and resentful and seems to want to live there. He has had moments where he was kind and we were able to communicate effectively, even recently, but those times are fleeting. Anger and blame is what I generally get.
