I am finding that it is exceedingly frustrating at times to have gone through this DB process and work on reconciliation with someone that has not. Specifically, the ability to own fault. It's not that she hasn't/isn't but here is the big difference I think I have come to see....
It is much easier to own and identify faults that you discover in yourself...that no one else points out to you. However, it is much more difficult to own a less-than-flattering fault that is being assigned to you by someone else.
Most of my XWs introspection (and don't get me wrong, I am happy about it) is based on her assessing her own faults and addressing them. At times when I even slightly intimate that there are things she should consider there seems to be a lot of push back and denial -- which is exactly what I used to do. A lot.
During some discussions I have had to tell her that seeing my perspective is not the same as saying you AGREE with it.....that took me awhile to understand, and I am not sure if she is there yet. She has asked me about what my fears are with certain issues and then reacted negatively when I tell her.
I know we have ways to go yet, and I know this is a difficult stage -- and I am happy to be here (after a loooong period of trying). I guess I am just venting frustration.
