Something else to keep in mind is how you're addressing it.

I know one apparently minor but really big mistake that I made early on was that whenever the topic came up, I would tell my H that I felt unloved and unwanted when he didn't want to make out with me. Later, I learned to tell him that it wasn't just sex I wanted, but that I felt unloved and unfeminine because doing stuff really made me feel connected to and intimate with him. I reached a point where when I had to talk about it, I almost developed an instant response to his unspoken but very heard thoughts that "it's just sex" by explaining that it *wasn't* the sex, it was my need to feel loved by and connected to him, and the sex/intimacy, for good or ill, was a moment I felt that love and connection most fiercely and deeply. I'm pretty sure that through repetition he reached a point where he understood what I was saying a bit better, even though it wasn't how he thought about it naturally. Even after he grasped the thought intellectually, it took time and repetition and patience for it to seep through to real understanding. But when it did, it changed his attitude toward me during those discussions a *lot*.

So I guess the question would be, are you telling her you want more sex, or are you telling her you want to feel loved by and connected to her, and that sex is the best and deepest expression of that to you? I've noticed that in your posts it's usually phrased in terms of the sex and intimacy itself first and foremost, and the emotional connection, while definitely the reason for it, gets expressed directly much less frequently. And it might be something that could help.

And the letter idea might be wonderful, because it lets you express yourself but gives you time to go back and take out the anger that leaks through, rather than having to express yourself *and* not let the anger and bitterness through at the same time.

Either way, good luck with everything, and I hope you find more happiness. *small hug and lots of well-wishes*

I am turning in revolution these are the scars that silence carved on me