Where is your sitch? I haven't seen you post anything
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So W just text me to remind me she is going out of town tomorrow. I should have step back and just said ok. But goes to show you I am not completely detached yet and that I need to put up boundaries, because all of this hanging out starts me thinking that "why wouldn't we try to make this work as good as we are getting along" Here was the text exchange: W: just wanted to remind you to pick up son tomorrow because I am headed out of town Me: atlanta?
W: yes
Me: I'm not going to do this any longer. I just cannot allow myself to be in a relationship, where my partner chooses to engage herself physically and/or emotionally with another man. Out of respect for me please from this point on only discuss things with me concerning Cullen Thanks
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I got do mad once that I threw my phone and broke it because I texted from my emotions...
Dig deep and set the phone down if you can next time.
Just remember even if you are able to set it down, it will call to you, so you have to walk away from it.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks JP. I know I need to just step away and let it go. She did end up texting me askin me to come over and talk to her about this. There was a whole lot of talking but the gist of it was that she really doesn't know what she wants and that her feelings haven't changed since last time we discussed things. She said that she would give me an answer by next Friday whether she wants to work on things or not. I told her I did not ask for that nor do I expect it. She said she feels like she needs to for herself. I just said I don't expect that. I said if you want to give me an answer on something then just let me know by next Friday if you are still talking to OM. If so that's fine, I just need some space for myself if that's the case. She understood. Like I said a lot was said. But that was the main point.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
C, you know the drill, sweetie, you keep saying the same words over and over and she hears, blah, blah, blah.
She knows how you feel about the OM. You've said it, she heard it, no need to say it again, right?
The thing about a boundary is that it has to be for you. It cannot be to punish the other person and the most important part of it is that if you set it, you have to be prepared to enforce it, Otherwise, it;s not going to be taken seriously.
So, shake it off, get back on the path, and do better next time.
Thanks Urworthy! I am definitely willing to follow through with this. I have to. When we go through these stages of getting along so well it gives me hope and makes me wonder why we don't just work on things. I can't allow that to happen if she continues to talk to OM. It's for my sanity. It's what I need to keep working on me. I have no doubt based in today that she is definitely confused on what she wants. She even said she is mad at me for changing now. Lol She is also confused as to whether she wants a family or not. She really is lost and needs to work on herself. Here is the thing. If she wants to work of herself without being involved with OM then I am ok being "friends" like we have been the last few weeks. If she wants to continue OM though I can't do that. I just can't for me.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
When we go through these stages of getting along so well it gives me hope and makes me wonder why we don't just work on things.
Those are expectations, C. Cant have any right now. Wont work for you. And she can sense that you feel that way. And like you are not hearing her.
I have no doubt based in today that she is definitely confused on what she wants. She even said she is mad at me for changing now. Lol
Yep, that is script. But,in a way, I can see their point, ya know? She cant work on things because she is confused. But, you have a child together and so she wants to be friends.
The thing is that you need to give her space to figure things out. And you have gotten better at it, but you need to really let her alone to deal with her stuff. She is also confused as to whether she wants a family or not. She really is lost and needs to work on herself.
Here is the thing. If she wants to work of herself without being involved with OM then I am ok being "friends" like we have been the last few weeks. If she wants to continue OM though I can't do that. I just can't for me.
Ok, then, if you know she is going to be with him, then you need to keep your boundary. But, C, no waffling back and forth.
She needs space, give it to her. She needs to feel heard. Show her you have. She says she doesnt know what she wants. You keep bringing OM up. She feels like you dont hear her. And round and round you go.
