Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

I've been reading some interesting articles on psychology today about infidelity and depression. One starts by saying:

When you investigate infidelity, depression pops up surprisingly often. While I have written in other posts that infidelity has little to do with unhappiness in a relationship, there's quite a bit of evidence that extramarital sex does have some indirect links to feelings of sadness, unhappiness, and depression

Sitch update
H's depression is really bad right now and has been for over two weeks. It's like he is immobilized. He has had a few replay activities, but for the most part he has shut down. He is doing the things I ask of him, like showing up to kid events, but he has avoided going out with others on his weekly scheduled nights to hang out.

He came over yesterday morning to watch S2 while I took S8 to a counselor appt. (S8 is doing really well, but I want to be proactive.) He looked sad, close to tears, but I just ignored it. When I got back, it was strange because H never moved to leave. A lot of times he is right by the door ready to leave as soon as the garage door opens, especially if he is missing work. Some chit chat, and then he says he doesn't know what he is going to do. I asked about what. He said where he is going. He has to be out of the house he is in by Saturday. He says it's too late to kick that other guy out with less than a week. He hasn't found a place. I asked about the other room for rent and he says it not available anymore. I said no apartments? No. Mind you he just told me he needed to move 5 days ago and now there is nothing available when he had at least three options he was thinking about. And the stress and fear on his face is unbearable to look at. He looks like a guy who just failed his math class and can't get into college and has to repeat his senior year. I told him then he can move back in here while he looks for a place. That I know he doesn't want to be rushed into anything. Instant relief. I was expecting him to say something like he would keep looking and only as a last resort, but no none of that. He said he just has some things to pack up and needs help with the bed but he can do the rest. When he moved out in October he had multiple places he called on and chose between within two days. There are plenty of places near here available when I looked. He shouldn't have a problem if he actually was looking.

I did give him quite a few hugs. He did come to tears multiple times. He told me the depression is so bad right now. I just hugged him and said "I don't want to tell you what to do or force you into something you don't want, but I hope you will decide for yourself to get help. You can do this. And if that means you need to go on AD to fix it, then do it. It's okay to go on them." He just nodded.

I had the boys call him to say gnite and then he wanted to talk to me about nothing for 15 mins. Back to the apologizing for boring me or taking my time.

I know I have been second guessing myself here, but H hasn't seen that. He knows I want to talk, but hasn't brought it up. I won't either, at least not now.

So who knows how this will play out now. I have reasons for why he is moving back in circulating my head, but none of them may be right or all of them could. I think me saying I was going to file and him saying he wasn't moving to his own place by choice was pretty telling, even though I said that didn't matter anyway since he was being with OW. (To which he said she wasnt talking to him anymore and didnt know why--mkay.) He doesnt want me filing. I just think he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't want to lose options. Maybe it's hard on him to have moved back in those two weeks and have all the time with the kids and then have to move out again. He had a lot of time with me too, and it was comfortable. No arguments or pressure. But he has been missing his scheduled time with the kids now. He told me he wanted to come over and have dinner ready for us when i got back from the wedding. He hinted the depression was just too much. That he was even thinking of doing that is pretty mind blowing and out of his MLC character.

So now I'm in an interesting spot. A week ago I was getting ready to file, with some doubts, and now H is moving back in with no stated timeline for how long. If this goes beyond temporary, it is not how I ever imagined him moving back. None of the he has done work on himself and asking to come back and showing he wants to work on us. He may have just found a way to sneak back in. I don't know if I'm moving forward or backward at this point. I guess it doesn't matter as eventually I always realize the movement is forming a circle.