Cemar, I have asked you three or four times now over the months whether you have explicitly SPELLED OUT TO YOUR W how desperate you are feeling. Thank you, Honeypot, for chiming in.
I don't know whether you are dodging the question or just miss it. If you are dodging it, maybe you need to examine why. That would be the first place to start CHANGING YOURSELF. Because if you cannot talk to her about it, I can absolutely promise that she will not understand. Why? Because sex is not important to her. She cannot possibly understand that it is the most important thing in the world to you.
I am living proof of the just-don't-get- it W. And I would have needed A LOT OF confrontation, preferably with a trained counselor (and the one we saw during the dissolution of our marriage clearly did not get it either). In fact, the only reason I get it now is that YOU explained it to me!!! On this very board!!! Have you shown your W the same consideration? If not, then that is a major part of your problem. And I can guarantee that she thinks less of you (at some unconscious level) for moping around over this. I used to think of my X: Why can't he be more of a man and just GO FOR IT? This is before YOU explained to me that half the battle is getting the W to initiate (which, BTW, the marriagebuilders site says is probably not going to happen -- so are you going to be happy having sex twice a week, self-initiated, or are you going to be miserable?)
We have all heard you reiterate dozens of times how your W performed sexually pre-kids and how she behaves now. Why the reluctance to discuss what you have told her about the problem?
You said: Is there more that us HD guys can do to help this situation?
YES. Tell her about the problem you BOTH are having that only YOU are aware of! Tell her in no uncertain terms that the marriage is probably over unless you can improve things.
Sorry to be so harsh but I can see doom on the horizon. And believe me, divorce will not be the happy solution you might imagine it to be. I'm sure my X gets all the sex he wants now and he is not very happy -- he misses his family and he misses me. The very words from his mouth -- go figure.
