I believe my job was part of the trouble I go away for two to three months at a time then I am home for two to months on vacation. I do hang out with friends. I have been reaching out to them all, my friends. I did to lose touch with many of them when I would go away. Then when I came home I wanted to spend that time with my wife. I tried to make her life easier while is was home. Cooked, Cleaned, laundry, drove her to work , pick her up from work so she did not need to take the subway, ironed her close, made lunch for her to take to work all that kinda stuff. I would send her flowers while I was away to her job to our house. Made sure I called everyday, email through the day just to keep in touch with her. We brought an old house ( sold it ) and that need wok and I spend the last five years of my vacation fixing it myself. Yes it needed a lot of work. This was a house she pick I was questionable because she had never lived in a house before, I knew it would be alot of work she love it when we first moved there, it was the neighbourhood her mother was from, her grandfather use to own a deli there the woman we brought the house from went to grade school with her aunt. The day she left she told me she hate living there, it was not cool and will never be cool, ( yes that is what she said) I said would move but guess it was too late. I do go out I spend a lot of time in museums, art galleries, running and walking around the city. I spend a lot of with my family yes I am one of 11 siblings and we are very close and yes we do hang out together.
Somethings that I have discovered about myself, I am I kind, thoughtful, attractive, funny, generous, compassionate, authentic loving man. I and I have discovered what I need to work on to make myself a better person for myself, those I love and love me. I am able to catch myself when I am going to make a critical statement and turn it into something positive, or at least less negative. I do see the joy in living and I have ask God the help me keep the compassion alive in my it works. I feel the opportunity to a new job is a great restarting point in my life, I will be confident and make the employer know the picked the right person. Do I find myself slipping in depression yes. It still hurts went a sit and think about her I do miss her and I do wish she would at least give it one more tr, but I know she is not interested. Until she believes that I do love her that will not happen. ( she told me that I did not love her, I did love her how could she she know what I feel). Though sleeping at night is difficult I find waking in the mornig to be easier now.
