I guess this is a good time to summarize progress in my situation.
The new title is "Walk-away spouse is working her way back to me" because this is what she told me the other night. This is good news all-in-all.
Here's a time-line of our relationship I constructed several months ago to try to get a handle on my situation:
2009 W starts running, has never exercised before. Goes from nothing to wanting and doing a marathon.
2010 W has breast enlargement. Has engagement/wedding ring redone frome gold to white gold, her preference. Later stops wearing wedding ring and wears another ring instead.
May 2011 20th annivesary
August 2011 Move from East coast to CA. W must leave job/friends.
Jan 2012 W is bored working from home. starts kick-boxing, not extreme enough and starts Jui Jitsu.
May 2012 W goes to tym 3-4 nights/week. Doesn't want to spend time with me.
June 2012 W makes friends with German guy from gym, he is much younger. Nothing happens, he has to return to Germany.
Oct 2012 Relationship is bad, we treat each other poorly, argue, and have small fights.
Nov 2012 W buys a smart phone, compulsive texting starts.
Dec 2012 W comes home late one night because she stayed after gym for dinner with another guy.
Dec 2012 I start spying, and see W is interested in OM and I confront her and say either she ends contact or moves out. She leaves but returns late in the same night.
Jan 2013 W says ILYBINILWY. Several more times she says she never loved me, and thinks about divorce.
Late Jan 2013 I start DB-ing
March 2013 W indicates she will not be leaving, but is not in love. Staying for kids. Starts kitchen remodel.
April 2013 Relationship is good on surface, but W is not in love. Infatuation with OM continues, but he pays her no attention.
May 2013 W says "she loves me" But then later in month says says she is "work her way back to me" The I love you may have been from guilt.
Overall Assessment: My situation really started in 2012, DB-ing started in Jan 2013, and the situation went from bad to good in about 6 months. My goal is to get to the point where she will start expressing love for me, or states a committment to being in a loving relationship, rather than just being married to somebody that she doesn't romantically love.
I say my W is in MLC because of significant behavioral changes over the past year or so. These changes are: MLC Behavior:
1. excesive exercise 2. goes out with younger, single friends 3. little interest in being a mom and doing mom things 4. cosmetic surgery 5. unhappy with new job after 2 months and it was a "dream job" when she first got it. 6. Wants to go back to college again 7. spends money like there is no tomorrow 8. no longer interested/does older hobbies 9. seeks thrills, wants to go sky-diving. 10. flirst with all other men, regardless of their tyep 11. acts selfish 12. wants a new car, won't drive minivan 13. new clothes 14. takes forever to get ready doing make-up, hair, etc.
Some MLC behaviors have toned down. My W is no longer paranoid about her email, FB, and phone like she was in terms of secrecy. My W is no longer posting on FB as much as she was. If she misses a night at the gym, she doesn't brood the way she used too. She treats me 10x better now. She does go out with me and spend time with me.
