I have read a bunch of material, have read these boards, and tried things myself. You know the funny thing about many of these books is when the start listing stories about couples that actually SOLVE this problem, 9 times out of 10 its written towards the LD FEMALE, and what she needs to do to make the problem manageable. You rarely see successful stories when it is started from the HD man's side. There is not much we can do. I think that all us HD guys can do is become the world's best husband by meeting every conceivable need she may have, make the problem clear to the wife, and then WAIT,and WAIT, and WAIT. Now the REAL power to address the issue must come from the LD spouse. I have not seen ANY successful solution that did not require change in the LD spouse. If the frequency and quality of the sex is improved by the LD spouse, then the marriage has a chance. But most of them don't seem to make this change. Then what does the HD guy do? We can not solve the issue by ourselves, but the LD woman CAN solve the issue by herself in some cases. This is what frustrates the hell out of me and many other guys, we can not fix this ourselves. We are dependant upon our wives to move in some way towards a solution, even a copromised solution. If the wife does not budge (and it seems most budge very little), then their are only 2 choices that the HD guy CAN control, that is divorce(sucks) and option #10 from Michelle, Kiss your sex life goodbye and try to salvage a barely tolerable marriage from the ruins of your life. Am I missing something here? Is there more that us HD guys can do to help this situation? I would love to see a book written specifically towards the HD guy and give strategies for HIM to fix this problem, but there are NO SOLUTIONS possible for him, so the experts write these books towards the LD women, like they are beating a door down to fix their LD. I would love to give the SSM to my wife, but I know that this would not be received well, just like all my other requests for some change are not. You know, SHE does NOT have a problem kind of cr#p. I am a sexaul maniac.
Carlotta, what is acceptable compromise? It seem that LD spouses that even among LD women that are WORKING towards a solution still don't have a clue as to how much and how good the sex needs to be. And these are the ones that ARE acceptable to working on the problem. How many guys write on here that the "FIX" in their relationships is to go from once a month to twice a month, wow SOME FIX. CAn we find an ACCEPTABLE middle ground here? Look at my situation, which is not unusual:
My love life during the early years: ML every day at least once. Oral sex performed by her FREQUENTLY. She initiates sex often. She like to be playful in and out of bed. She kisses a lot. Affection outside of the bedroom.
This is what she gave me for the first 4 years I knew her. Now this is what she wants:
Sex, doesn't care if it ever happens again. Initiate sex, yea right!!! LOL!! Oral SEX on guys, Oh that is so gross. Funny, when we were dating she seemed to ENJOY it. Kissing, NEVER. She HATES to kiss me. Affection, again LOL!!!
So what is compromise in this situation? Even if a cut my needs by 50% to like, ML 3 times a week, have her initiate at least once a week, for her to perform oral sex at least once a week, to kiss EVERYDAY, to have HER initiate affection daily, we are still at a level that is WAY WAY beyond what her comfort zone is. My situation is not unique. Many of the HD guys on her complain about the same problem, that when it comes to negotiating a solution, that the LD womans idea of a negotiated settlement is sorry to say, a JOKE. You have to meet about at least half way, and frankly, how many do?
I am very open to compromise, but can a ND women really find it possible to have GREAT sex 3 times a week? I doubt it. 2 times maybe? Boy we certainly have a long way to go. At this point, I would be happy with even just a miniscule change, something to keep my hopes up.
