It was hard to tell, but it sounds like LD came before many of your problems. I am a HD husband and I bet my ND wife feels much like you. My wife also feels sex is very unimportant. HD males want only one thing in their lives, a lover. They will do anything to get it. They will give up EVERYTHING, including family and wives to get it. To HD men, SEX=LOVE. So your lack of interest in SEX will always be seen as NO LOVE by your husband. For your husband to be happy, he must be making love to someone that wants to make love to him just as badly. You may show him love in YOUR ways, but if you are not giving him FULLFILLING sex with PASSION, then you will FAIL, PERIOD. I know, this sounds really bad. To a LD spouse, sex is an act, and a "Minimal" one at that. To a HD spouse, SEX is an EMOTION. And to a HD man, darn near 100% of his emotional well being is wrapped up in sex. So deny him sex, and you literally mess up his mind so badly, he will eventually start looking for ANY way to fix it. Thus comes the office romance, the affair, the Mid Life Crisis (virtually every MLC I have read about is really a SSM). Boy, this sounds really heavy!
Now to fix the situation, it requires YOU to change. The LD spouse is in complete control of the destiny of the marriage. I have read a bunch of books, and in ALL cases the solution to this problem is only achieved when YOU change. It is far harder for the solution to originate from the man, since his only options are to make himself into the world greatest husband, voice his needs to the wife, and then sit back and pray that something changes, which of course usually does not happen. He has little control over the destiny of the marriage. So YOU are in complete control of your marriage. You need become a sexual dynamo(and this is very hard to do for you I am sure), and give your husband MIND BLOWING sex at least 2-3 times a week. You must put 100% effort into it, or your husband will know it is duty sex, and that does not help. Afer you have been giving him great sex for several weeks, then gradually work in some of YOUR requests. Usually, if a guy is getting GREAT sex, he will not want to lose it, so he will go to hell and back to NOT lose it.
Can a HD male walk in a LD womans shoes, sorry to say, no! I can not understand a feeling that does not exist in my universe. I am guessing that for you, it is work to just even have a sexual thought come into your head. For me, sex is like a screen saver, if the mind goes idle for even a second, the sex screen saver kicks in. It is always there. Us HD guys just have to be able to show empathy for a problem that we can not even comprehend.
