Going In Circles

[shouldistillhope]

Lovethehub,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I appreciate hearing from so many different people who are going through the same sitch's as me.

Unfortunately it sounds as though i have made alot of the same mistakes as your H. Everyone seems to say the same things, "if only i had known" but it is too late for that.

Could i ask you what canged your mind and how long after did you two start patching things together? If i am reading your post correctly anyway.

[Fartiltre]

Hi SIS

I am sorry to read that you are hurting – I get you and I know the feeling! It is rough times!

…You must try to get a hold of yourself – right now!

You have exactly two weeks to show W all the good that she will be missing! Do that but do it for real and with honesty. Don’t be anything that’s not true to you! Do your 180, act-as-if, be the man every woman want and nobody wants to leave!
Do Sandi2 list – all the way!

Don’t spend this window of opportunity feeling sorry for you!


Afterwards feel sorry and then start working on you and for you!

All the best!

[shouldistillhope]

Thanks Fartiltre,

I find myself having some better days than i have in the past, but like this afternoon, everything was going pretty decent and all of a sudden i get a text from STBX telling me i need to take care of dropping her off of our auto insurance. Every time i get a text from her its just another reminder that things are definitely not headed in the right direction.

I will pull through this and become a stronger person, but right now its very hard to see the end.

She always brings up the fact that if she sees true change in me then maybe down the road we can start dating again.

I hope for that day but am also apprehensive at the same time.

Hope you are doing well.

[LBH_LC]

Look at this way, at least she saying that there is a chance if she sees true change. That's more than others get.

[shouldistillhope]

Thanks Left Coast,

I know i should see a glimmer of hope when she mentions the chance but i also dont want her to use me as a crutch to fall back on either.

I guess thats part of GAL. I also know that if i truly change deep down, that she will also have to change because we are both at fault in this.

I know i cannot change her, but if she also isnt willing to change then we are never going to make any progress.

Stay well and hang in there yourself!

[Fartiltre]

Hi SIS

I do get you!!

She always brings up the fact that if she sees true change in me then maybe down the road we can start dating again.

This is good news! Put it in your heart and save it there, but also get it out of your brain at the moment! You have to pay attention to YOU!
Accept that D will come and that you are not M anymore and do it now! I now this is harch words but they are well meant. You need to start working on you!
IMHO a statement like this could be the little crack we all hope to see in the walls around our WAWs but do not trust it and do not try to break through yet! Do the work on you and if the crack exits it will become bigger in time! The only thing that can open this totally is W but you can be the tool she needs by becoming the man nobody will leave. So this is what you have to do! Become this man!
When you have defined your list and done the advice placed in your thread I would recommend that you read 5LL and then David Cunningham but remember that DB is number 1 - the two others are just tools! Stay with the DBing!
Also read up on WAW! Get an understanding of the term. You will find lots of information on WWW.

I know your goal is R but this will only happen if you make yourself attractive and this is not:

Every time i get a text from her its just another reminder that things are definitely not headed in the right direction.

This will make you look sad or even whining – and that is simply one of the most unattractive things you can show W. She will see it so stop! Accept the D!
It was a text about “dropping her off of our auto insurance” – if a friend send you a text like this how would you react! This reaction is what you want to show her! Nothing else!

First part of this will make you attractive

I will pull through this and become a stronger person, but right now its very hard to see the end.

Second part is a fact! But remember somebody did it and it can be done!

I hope for that day but am also apprehensive at the same time.

Keep the hope – and keep it high!

FTT

[Fartiltre]

Hi again

Read Sandi2s post on this page!: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...;gonew=1#UNREAD

(It's a the bottom right now)

It is long!
It is good!
It holds a lot of the wisdom you need!

You have to do the work - so start doing it!

FTT

[lovethehub]

Could i ask you what canged your mind and how long after did you two start patching things together? If i am reading your post correctly anyway.

It took about 2 years. However, I didn't trust my H to stay and he kept proving that over and over. I am not saying it was his fault alone, but I did keep ending up back at the starting point because when something would happen that he didn't like, he would say he wanted a divorce and we would spend 2,3, 4 weeks "split up". (In the same house, no physical contact, no communication other than children)

We finally started making progress and then, one night, I was out at the bar where it all happened, after a wedding, too much to drink. Texted H and asked him to pick me up, went outside to wait, saw OM, he asked me how things were going and I said "Great, I am really happy" and I gave him a hug...just as H pulled into the parking lot. I guess the universe has a sense of humor.

That was last June. We were on/off since then until this Feb when he said he wanted a divorce. This time was different and I knew he meant it. That is when I found DB. We are talking about staying together but he still doesn't "feel he can ever feel deep love for me again".

Be patient. I know it s*cks, esp since it appears you will get a D, but there are stories on here of people who R after D. IMHO, I do not think she would say there was a chance if she really didn't mean it.

[shouldistillhope]

Thanks for the support and kind words lovethehub.

Your words and opinions give me hope but i know i have alot of work to do on myself first.

It seems like some days are getting better, i have accepted the fact that she is going through with the D.

I also wish you the best in your sitch.

Never give up hope!

[shouldistillhope]

I would also like some advice from anyone who might have any insight on this.

My divorce will be final on July 12. I have read on others posts that at some point it might be a good idea to apologize to W for all the things i have done that have led us to this point.

My question is, is this a good idea and when would be an appropriate time to do it?

Before D is final, or after?

Thanks for your help.