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But isn't there an HD out there somewhere that can walk a mile in our shoes?



No. there isn't. Ok, I'm teasing a little, but that is sort of the point. HDs want it, no matter what. In fact, reading through the book, I found a whole bunch of reasons, really good reasons, why I might be LD. But I'm just not. I want it anyway.

I'm certainly no expert, but I'm willing to bet that these things are seldomly one-sided. You've got some perfectly legitimate beefs about your relationship. You're certainly entitled to be treated w/ respect and kindness. I will not even attempt to defend the other side in this situation. However, one thing about your post really struck me:

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All this over something as minimal as sex???



Its not "minimal". (or "trivial", if that's what you meant). it is H U G E to the HD person. I don't think it is possible to hurt an HD more deeply than to not desire them.
But I do think that the "sucking it up" part only applies to those LDs who's other issues have not yet been addressed or resolved. Its not supposed to be a one way street. I guess there are such people, who's needs are all being met, and still have LD; these are the one's that need to suck it up, and acknowledge the fact that sex is not trivial to the HD person.

As far as being denied "basic affection", I think I've been guilty of this myself, and I have an explanation. To us HDs, sex IS "basic affection", and the lack of it is a terribly hurtful rejection. When we are in the midst of a dry spell, I know that I am far less affectionate physically, and the reason is that any physical contact is an instant reminder of the situation that I'm desperately trying to block out. It is a defense mechanism against further rejection.

Just wanted to throw those thoughts out there...I hope you are able to solve your differences.

-Chuck