I think the only critical thing you need to acknowledge is that sex is anything but 'minimal' to an HD spouse.
Having said that, I understand your pain and I know first-hand what that feels like. I think NOPkins point is that the two of you are stuck in the 'blame game,' and that doesn't get anyone anywhere.
If you have not done so, I think you should go out and get the Sex Starved Marriage, and ask your H if you can read it together. The first half of the book is about the HD perspective, and he is going to gloat, so be prepared. Don't worry though, the second half of the book will explain the LD perspective, and you get to do a bit of smiling of your own.
What is critical for you and your H to admit is that BOTH of you have caused the problem together, and it is going to take BOTH of you to fix it. He must, MUST understand how his digs and cruel verbal jabs at you are slowly killing you inside, just as you need to understand that he is slowly dying inside from lack of intimacy.
If the two of you can get on the same page with this at least, I think the two of you will feel more hope and love than you have in a very long, long time.
Understand that I am not minimizing your pain, because I do so understand it. But what I had to learn the hard way is that I had to learn to stick up for myself, draw boundaries with my H, and do whatever I had to do to get through his head that his hurting me HAD TO STOP. This you must do as well.
Please keep posting. There are a lot of great people here who can really help you along your journey.
