GM I am so sorry your attorney is not acting in your best interest. A bad attorney is like a poison. A friend of mine is practically bankrupt because of fyeo bad attorneys that did absolutely nothing for her in her case except get rich. She has nothing and her ex used the system to screw her out of everything she was entitled to. She is very bitter and angry now. And when I read the details in her case it sickened me.
I am very fortunate that I have the attorney I have. Granted, he is not cheap, but he is effective. He is a Christian man with a good moral value system.
Please try to calm down and breathe. I know how you feel. How desperate, exhausted and at your wits end. It's always darkest before the dawn. Take the day off to get yourself back in the groove if need be. Post here because we all have your back.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
GM, I'm sorry to hear what your attorney has done. She is suppose to be representing you, not your h. She shouldn't be charging you for reading your h's missives to her, in fact, she should return them to him and advise him that she is your counsel, not his. I don't understand what is wrong w/her, but what she's done is wrong.
I would make in appointment with whomever to get funds set up for child support asap and then go from there. I would also request that the funds be garnished from his wages and a direct deposit be set up for said funds. That way you aren't jerked around each month.
It takes time to get to the other side. You are going to have to develop a very think skin quite quickly in order to protect you and you children. Divorce and trying to get what you need to survive is not easy, especially when dealing w/mlcers. You have to leave all of your feelings/emotions for this man at the door and put on your business hat. Fight for what you want and do not allow any lawyer to tell you otherwise w/o proof of what they are saying.
We are here for you any day, any time.
BTW, once you feel a bit better, you'll need to think about starting a new thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you all for your replies. I am truly grateful to have the support. I took the day off (I've never called in sick before, but knew I had to) to work on finding a new attorney and I will open a case with the DA's office. They will uncover every bank account, investment, etc. I will also take them the loan documents that I received when H tried to buy a house which stated a very large amount of money that was going to be used.
I hate that it has come to this, but I also know that it isn't my fault. I tried for months to be kind and accommodating and stated repeatedly that I just wanted to finalize a settlement that was fair to both of us. H is totally incapable of doing what's right. He's too caught up in his own spew.
I know I don't want to feel hopeless anymore, so today I have to start on a different path. I can do this. It would be so much harder without all of the support that I've received here. Thank you!
It isn't easy. It is very taxing and emotionally overwhelming. But you need to do what is right for you and the kids. Your H will be mad, but that's okay. If it wasn't this, he would be mad about something else. No matter what you do, he will be mad. You could do everything his way and he would still be mad. They are like children. You give an inch, they take a mile.
I plan on making an iron clad agreement that H cannot manipulate in any way, shape or form. I made the decision. Do I want to fight now or later, because in one way or another there will be a fight and I decided to head H off at the pass. He hates me for it, but I don't care.
Our H's don't care about what happens to us financially although my H claims he still wants to "make sure I am taken care of". No thanks! I had enough of your financial disaster when we were married. I'll take care of my own self. I will be far better off.
Take care of YOU! You can't take care of those kids until you take care of yourself. Put your oxygen mask on first.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I am so sorry that you are going through this and feeling that you have had no support from your lawyer.
With regard to your H's e-mails, is your H represented by a lawyer? If he isn't, in my jurisdiction it would be considered neglect of duty NOT to read your H's letters. If he is represented, she should be sending the letters back to his lawyer and have his lawyer tell him that to contact your lawyer directly is not appropriate. I can't comment on whether or not your lawyer is charging appropriately but she cannot ignore the correspondence, especially if H does not have a lawyer of his own. She is not required to respond.
Perhaps when (if) you decide to retain a new lawyer, given that your H is sending copious letters, you can negotiate that unless the letters affect one of the separation/divorce issues, that you will not be charged.
I hope you find someone that you are more comfortable with who can finalize the things that need to be done.
Portia, H does have a lawyer, but he seems entitled to mine as well. His latest email addressed both attorneys and ended with "both of you advise me on how to proceed." Apparently, because he has access to her via email it's the three of them against me. That's just delusional. I'm really frustrated that my attorney has not set a professional boundary regarding communication.
So, I checked my bank account and discovered that H used it again yesterday! He's just taunting me at this point. I made my attorney aware of the last incident a week ago, but apparently she didn't handle it. In any event, I have switched all of the auto payments and have advised my banker to close the account once the last debit goes through tonight.
I just posted on WH's thread about why MLCers/WASes continue to cause destruction. Why can't they just leave it with their parting words of ILYBINILWY? They seem to have a continued need to fight, be heard and, generally, be noticed.
Portia, H does have a lawyer, but he seems entitled to mine as well. His latest email addressed both attorneys and ended with "both of you advise me on how to proceed." Apparently, because he has access to her via email it's the three of them against me. That's just delusional. I'm really frustrated that my attorney has not set a professional boundary regarding communication.
That's crap. My attorney refuses to respond to any emails from H while he is still represented by his attorney. H's attorney gave mine "permission" to contact him in order to lower H's attorney bills, but my attorney refuses to bill me for unnecessary emails from H.
As far as the money, bravo. Good for you for taking the step so your H has no access to your money. He'll be mad, but that's okay.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I heard back from one of the attorneys and the conversation wasn't very encouraging. She doesn't know that her approach would be much different and what I want is contingent upon H being fair. If the court intervenes I could walk away with even less, however I may be awarded attorneys fees.
I just feel hopeless. I also feel like what I was told in the beginning wasn't reasonable in terms of what I would likely receive. So, I've been fixated on that belief rather than the reality and have not been guided toward accepting what a good settlement is.
I'm so sorry. This is what happened to my friend. She was told all she could get and as time went on the attorneys kept putting her off and she got less and less.
Wait until you hear back from the other attorney. You never know. These attorneys may be in cahoots with each other. Can you talk to someone from another area?
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
