Hi there. I ws referred to this post since my topic is similar. I am an LD W and I would like to give you my two cents worth (probably all it's worth!) and tell you something about this LD.
tI adore my H. When we were first married we were insane for each other. Over ime, there came the inevitable hurts--the cracks about my being overweight (which I am working on!), my H reading my journal from years ago and quoting personal stuff to me from it (about sex with other men before him, etc), and the inevitable comments about my unacceptably low level of partcipation during sex.
I have been CRITIQUED (in a "loving" and "caring" way, of course!) about my performance in quality, quantity, lack of appropriate noises, and what a prude I am (not true, as he should have read in my journal!) Over months and years of this, I have come to believe that I cannot put my trust with something this delicate in his hands, since he acts like a cretin. When I do not feel safe, I cannot possibly perform.
I really loved sex, always have, although my husband would disagree with this! But now I just can't. I felt hurt when I read some of the posts about how the LD should suck it up and realize how important sex is to the HD and make them the center of their universe. I have become too emotionally crippled and resentful to make someone else the center of my universe. A loving spouse is not supposed to make you feel ashamed, and low, and treat you so poorly that they can't be trusted. Sometimes the LD is created, not inborn. At least in my case.
Now, because of all the LD stuff, I am denied even the basic affection or even kindness that is extended to strangers. This is my punishment. He doesn't get, then neither do I. I was volunteering at my husband's job last week, (trying to be the loving wife),and he treated his female co-worker (who he has a crush on and adores!) like a queen, while treating me like Cinderella before the ball right in front of her. He even let a door slam in my face, but held it for her. All this over something as minimal as sex??? If sex is the only glue that holds a marriage together, and everything else counts for nothing, then screw it. Maybe I SHOULD focus on me, and forget this center of the universe stuff. Maybe Corri is right.
Just MHO, not meant to start any fights. But isn't there an HD out there somewhere that can walk a mile in our shoes?
