Left Behind Husband on the Left Coast II

[Positivespin]

D3 and I played a game of hungry hippos on Sat AM.......D3 was the pink hippo, I was the yellow hippo ..........and "invisible Mommy" was the green hippo

I find myself hanging, clinging to the ideas that everything happens for a reason and for every good thing there is a bad thing......and vice versa

I KNOW I havent been anything close enough to deserve this much bad

I feel pretty confident that neither have you

The in-laws have to circle their wagons. My M-I-L took our wedding photo down a few months back.......I wondered why

Now the picture is back up- what the hell does that mean??????

if every action you take is from a good place - we cant care what others think.

Hows your running? DO NOT STRAY FROM THAT! - Im finding myself stuck at 207-209

I bought a bicycle

Our women will put on a strong face around us- but their minds are flip flopping all over the place

remember - we are not mind readers

[LBH_LC]

PS! Buddy! I expect an update in your thread on your sitch!

Yes, I know I'm doing nothing but mindreading right now. My therapist tells me it too. What just occurred to me as I write this is that she is mindreading on me now (if she even thinks of me at all). And I know that if she is, she probably is thinking I'm angry and uninterested in reconciliation.

I just have this incredible urge to apologize. I don't know if she knows that I am sorry. I bear a huge responsibility for the way things turned out. My career got derailed right as we got married and it really turned me into somebody unpleasant and somebody who I'm really not! And it got worse the last six months before the BD because my current job just got out of control and my dad was in and out of the hospital and I was just at the end of my rope....

One thing that I can tell irks here from the documents and hearing is the fact that I have counsel. Our initial talk was to end it amicably, but that was before her false DV accusation. A DV charge or non-temporary restraining order could ruin my employability. I had no choice.

I know some things are unfixable, but I truly believe that our marriage is not one of those things.

QUESTION FOR ALL: I know that if I see her as part of the finalization process that I am to act "as-if," but does anyone have any thoughts on having my lawyer pass a brief message along as part of the settlement process. Something along the lines of "I am truly sorry that things ended up this way. There's nothing I'd like more than to reconcile with you, but if you feel this is the only way you can be happy, I understand."

[LBH_LC]

Is it normal to backslide mentally so much right before the D is final? Anyone besides Positivespin reading this?

[shouldistillhope]

Hang in there Left Coast,

My divorce will be final in July. I keep thinking that my days will get better and some have, but i know i will have worse days until then and after that. I have kept telling myself that when BD that was the bottom for me. It wasnt, but you have to pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

I dont know what to tell you about having your lawyer drop her a note, hopefully a vet will weigh in here to offer you advice.

I know it seems like everyone is ignoring your posts, i am going though that myself, but someone will come through with some good advice.

If not, i will always be around reading and keeping up on your sitch.

Good Luck

[LBH_LC]

Thanks for the reply, Shouldi. I'll check out your sitch and see if I can offer anything.

[LBH_LC]

Bump for advice regarding the question at the top of the page. Anyone... Anyone..

[LBH_LC]

*crickets chirping*

[MrBond]

"Is it normal to backslide mentally so much right before the D is final?"

Yes of course. The one thing about your wanting to apologize, during this whole ordeal, have you ever apologized for the things you did that might have wronged her?

If you did, then no further apologies are necessary.

[LBH_LC]

I would have to check the email I sent about 2 weeks after the BD. I don't know if I explicitly apologized, but I did acknowledge what I felt to be her issues with me and my behavior and said I was working on them. That email was well received, but it was before things turned ugly.

Just checked, and most of the email was explaining why/how I was behaving the way I was, but I did say "[wife's name], I am so, so sorry for [primary issue in our relationship]." I guess that will have to be enough.

[MrBond]

As long as you said "I'm sorry" that should be enough.

Most WAS's suddenly get VERY angry after the LBS apologizes. It's part of the script. Suddenly they feel empowered and then make EVERYTHING the LBS's fault.

Just remember that the WAS is human too. She probably made her fair share of mistakes too.