things went south

[BC39]

You do understand that she still hadn't dealt with any of her issues. All she did was sweep things under the rug which is why she's in the same situation. She was waiting for "feelings" when in actuality they don't come back until she actually puts in some effort.

That's exactly what she did, and she admitted it.

I'm not sure what to do now though.

We haven't exactly said "okay this is over", but the general tone of the conversation would leave me to believe that it is.

We're right back to square one. She wants to be attracted to me and wants the marriage to work, but she doesn't think it will.

The confusing part is other than the sex the relationship has been great this past year. We still had sex. In fact she initiated most of the time. But it was obvious at times lately she wasn't into it. There was still lots of affection coming from her. We'd cuddle on the couch every night, rub each others feet, lots of hugs and kissing, we'd fall asleep holding hands. She'd tell me she loves me often. This what right up until a couple days ago.

We've laughed and had a great time daily. If you walked into our house at any given time you wouldn't think we've had any problems.

When I ask her about all this stuff she just rationalizes every thing by saying "she was trying".

I think about her "awakening" in October.(You can see in my previous thread that she admitted to speaking to OM in October-I took a firm stance and told her I needed to take a step back from this marriage. She had a melt down and said she had an "awakening". She sent me a letter that I posted here saying how sorry she was and that she was in this marriage 100% etc).

There were times lately that I thought we were back on track and everything was going to be fine. Ugh.

I have no idea what to do now.

Do I just ask her if she wants to end it? Do I ask her to keep working on it even she thinks she can't get the loving feeling back?

As of now I've told her to sleep at her our best friends across the street. I've told her to work from home instead of coming to work (we currently still work together).

I've gone as dim as possible since this convo a couple days ago. It seems to be bothering her.

She asked to talk to me last night. She wanted to communicate schedule for the kids, see how I was, ask why I've it seems like I don't want to talk to her. She was crying the whole time. I tried to be short and to the point without being rude.

Getting up this morning alone was hard. The the kids asking me where mommy was and why she wasn't home. They kept asking if we could go camping this weekend. My D7 handed me a drawing she did yesterday at school, it was supposed to be self drawing and on the front of her shirt it said "I love my family".

I'm having a hard time holding it together minute by minute.

I'm really not sure what to do right now and could really use some insight.

Do I push for another separation? Our first one was only a few weeks but we saw each other and talked most of the time.

If she says she's done, do I push that fact that she hasn't really worked on this or do I just let her go?