I am supposed to meet with the mediator along with the W today. I am not feeling very "amicable" and mentioned to her to reschedule. She did not ... which is fine for her. I really am struggling with making this easy for her. I am still waffling between this anger and acceptance. I know it may be "easier" to just go and get it over with. Financially it would be wiser to just spend the 2.5k to make everything go away quicker. But I'm really fighting the urges to not make things easy. It's a bit tit for tat I know but do I really want hope for a future R with her.
I'm hurt and feeling sorry for myself a bit today. It seems I have a good couple of days of looking to the future and seeing things clear, then days like this where I cant see the forest through the trees. Clarity is not my friend as of late.
Unfortunately it seems I picked up the stupid rope again and I'm hanging on for dear life.
M: 43 W: 43 Married: 17 Together: 20 BD: 4/8/13 no legal or physical S as of yet 3 kids: S:14 D:13 D:9 W admitted EA: 5/5/13 Mediation started: 6/3/13 W says EA is done: 6/30/13 - still interested in D
