It has come to my attention that some people on this message board are strongly suggesting advice that runs counter to my Divorce Busting philosophy and practice- the notion of exposing a spouse's affair to family members. While this plan may be helpful to one couple, it would completely backfire in other marriages. I have worked with many couples where the betrayed spouse revealed all the information to friends and family with extremely detrimental outcomes. First, when the unfaithful spouse discovered this had happened, he or she decided to file for divorce and it became a final decision. Secondly, there are those situations where the couple began to heal from the infidelity and get their marriage back on track, but the family members undermined the couples' efforts and even "disowned" the betrayed spouse. This made life-long commitments after infidelity a very challenging outcome because few people like giving up their family and friends. So, while I do believe that betrayed spouses need support from loved ones when dealing with such a distressing situation, it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity. Nonetheless, it's still important to recognize potential risks.
Additionally, several people have contacted my office feeling that they had been personally attacked for not following this sort of advice. This community was started many years ago and we rarely get such complaints. Confronting others by calling names or pressuring them will not be tolerated. These tactics are not reflective of the Divorce Busting spirit.
It was time! Last week I didn't mention to you all that I checked the temperature. I asked her out on a date and she said no. I hugged her and she is still not receptive. But yet she can brush her body with me, call me babe and so on. Who is this woman? She has become this cake eating machine.
So this morning the convo went like this:
Me: what do you want to do with our M? Her: idk it's so hard Me: well we can't be in limbo forever Her: I know but I have no feelings for you Me: well it's obvious I'm the last person you care about and your "feelings" for me is gone then we should go our separate ways. We should do it as early as next week. Her: ok Me: we will give the house to the kids so that they don't have to move from place to place. I will live with my mom you live with your parents or idk wherever you wanna live. Her: I'm not moving out. Me: then I have no choice but to take my kids with me on the days I have them at my mom's house. Her: no lets leave them here ok I will talk to my parents. Me: we should talk with kids over dinner next weekend. Her: ok
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
One thing about "gucci's" advice was that he believed his way (exposing A, leaving, etc.) was the ONLY way and adamantly criticized anyone who didn't believe his way. I can tell you for a fact that his way ISN'T the best way. There is NO PERFECT way. You have to do the things that fit your situation. That's why he got kicked off the boards.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thanks Mr Bond. Been reading your sitch all weekend long and noticed lots of similarities your W's roller coaster. Because of that I am practically doing the same things you were doing. I'm still reading but if you don't mind me asking...what turned it around for you and your W? I'm assuming you R your M.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Newman You have to decide what works in YOUR situation as Michelle says what works for one couple may backfire for another. Gucci, Robx et al, as I said before have in my opinion invaluable advice, LBS's have been dealt a massive confidence blow and re evaluating ones own role in the marriage breakdown and working on that and gaining confidence makes you attractive again.
I'm going to agree and disagree with Mr Bond! Do what works, begging pleading, being needy as we know doesn't work. Calm confident is attractive and from my understanding that was Gucci.s and Robx's core message was all about inner confidence in your own self worth.
I just did what worked and stopped what didn't. Plus a TON of patience.
Wow cool... Glad DB worked for you! You make it sound so easy. Thanks again!
Originally Posted By: Strongerthanthis
Newman You have to decide what works in YOUR situation as Michelle says what works for one couple may backfire for another. Gucci, Robx et al, as I said before have in my opinion invaluable advice, LBS's have been dealt a massive confidence blow and re evaluating ones own role in the marriage breakdown and working on that and gaining confidence makes you attractive again.
I'm going to agree and disagree with Mr Bond! Do what works, begging pleading, being needy as we know doesn't work. Calm confident is attractive and from my understanding that was Gucci.s and Robx's core message was all about inner confidence in your own self worth.
Good luck Mr Newman 7977
Stronger thanks for your thoughts. Yes been trying to find what works, its just been tough to find it. And I thought maybe by blending the approaches (including robx and guccis) that's been offered here including in the boards maybe I will find what works. I do filter what I get from here and whatever I think fits my sitch I apply. I think that's what ultimately what DBing is all about isn't it. Keep me in check thanks for stopping by.
Later, Newman
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
