Looking to keep hope alive

[Fartiltre]

Hi ALF

Welcome on these boards! You are here, I am here and we are here with a lot of other nice and caring people – we are all sorry to be here and at the same time happy that this forum exits!

Start by realizing WHY you are here! Accept the fact that your W is leaving and then:

Sandi2 list
Start by reading Sandi2 list - this is important! Read it every day for the next month. You will find it as a sticky in the top of this forum. Follow it!

Read DR
It will help you on what you are about to start!

Why did she drop the Bomb.
Have you sorted this out? (Don’t ask W!) Mr. Bond already asked you this

180s
What are your 180s. What have you changed? Work on you?
If you have sorted out the reason for the B you will have an excellent list to start with. Then add all the things you have thought of yourselves over the last years. Things you should have done! Things you would have done, if only…..? Be concrete, prioritize and then do it and keep doing it!
Consistence rules above all! (You will find a lot of posting in here saying “Do it for you!” Changes will not last and you will fall through if you do this to win W back!)

Act-as-if.
Read DR and get a hold of this concept! If you follow Sandi2s list you will be on the right path!

GAL (Get A Life)
You need to get your head of this so start doing things: Exercicze, read, go out with friends…. Do stuff you like!

Keep the hope!
It can be done! You will find out as you obtain knowledge!
It will be hard!!
It will demand all your patience and then some!!!
...but it can be done!

You will find much more on this in these boards and I highly recommend that you start reading up on the concept of the WAW and the ILYBINILWY-statement. I also have a WAW and also ILYBINILWY. Children same age so my sitch is a lot like yours in general. There’s a lot of us in here and you will find it totally crazy how alike this ILYBINILWY-WAW is on a world wide basis.


The list of things you can do could be much longer! You will meet the word DETACHMENT a lot of times in here and it is an extremely important word but DETACHMENT is also very hard and it takes time. The reason I have picked the subjects above and not a lot of other things is that these subjects can be implemented quickly and especially Sandi2s list!
So start there and then work you own way from there!

We are still in the same house for two more weeks because we are waiting until the kids are out of school to tell them.

Do the changes NOW so she has a change to see them. Are you certain that you will split up in two weeks or will you in fact have to stay together for some time!
ALWAYS prioritize the children so start reading about when and how to inform them! I will have to do this soon so I have read up on this subject and the best way to give a short resume is to refer to 25yearsmls from Papa4life thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2342370&page=9

She has seen some changes in me in the last couple weeks (as well as some old/bad actions), but she says its too late.

Too little too late is a WAW standard. It is called script in here! All of us get it and there will be more so don’t worry about that right now!

Worry about you! This is hard to get but it is the center of it all! I am just starting to get it now! Worry about you!
Remember consistency! If you want the best shot at this then focus on you, worry about you and let W mind her business!
(Never forget the children!)

She spoke more than me, which does not happen when we discuss our relationship/marriage. Mostly because I just never shut up. To her, this was controlling.

This is controlling and it will push her further away. Get a hold of the concept of Validating her feelings! You have to STFU!

Get to it – NOW!
Keep posting in here!

All the best!


P.S. Make a signature on your account! This helps people remember you!

(Please keep in mind that I am not a VET (Veteran) in these matters. I am only 10 weeks in!)