I am so afraid. I have decided to find a new attorney. I am so frustrated that after a year and thousands of dollars nothing has been accomplished. And now my attorney is acting frustrated with me! She allows H to email her, and bills me for reading them, although she doesn't respond. It's not appropriate. The latest one she forwarded was a long, spewing list of blame. It's my fault that we are getting divorced, that finances are tight, that I won't sell the house, that the kids won't talk to him, etc., etc. My attorney's frustration is due to her own failure.
I don't know how I am going to retain another attorney since I don't have money to do it, but I can't continue down this cheeseless tunnel. My attorney has racked up a lot of fees and will just continue doing it whether she accomplishes anything or not. I'm mad at myself for continuing to work with her even though I've had a nagging feeling for months that I needed to find someone else.
Not taking action is a common theme in my life. It leads to hopelessness frustration, resentment, feeling abused, etc. I must change this. I need to understand why I keep taking scraps. I'm always so fearful that standing up for myself will put me in a desperate situation. But not doing so is detrimental.
I know I am smart, resourceful and capable, but I am easily triggered by conflict and rather than stand my ground, I buckle. Somewhere I developed the belief that if I ask for what I want I will push the other person away. I have been in a constant state of non action and my life is a mess because of it. I am fearful of what will happen next.
I don't know how I am going to make my life better, but I have to find the faith and courage to take the right steps. To start, I need to open up a case with the DA's office to have child support garnished. Next, I need to try and find an attorney who is willing to be paid post-settlement.
