i do not keep a journal except what i write here. i know that i do good. the problem i have is i always feel the negatives outweigh the positives. it is something i am really working on with my sponsor.
as for women loving a vulnerable man.. i don't know about that. i am starting to think women love a$$holes..lol i have a hard time showing a vulnerable side. unless im talking about my kids. my whole life i have been taken advantage of because i do things for people. mr. nice guy stuff i know.. Wii, i have read the book btw. interesting. hard for me to apply. if i did find a good woman, which i doubt, i most definitely will just be me. imperfections and all. then i can be totally loved.
the settling for being really good, or good enough totally hit home with me! wow!!! i see how it relates to sports. i always wanted to be perfect until my coach told me to quit. he told me to go play my game, and let the chips fall where they may. i stopped worrying so much about not messing up. i just played and i played my a$$ off. i made mistakes, but my successes far outweighed them. i never thought life could be like that... thank you. i have been in a good mood since reading that two days ago.
and bug you are right. when i kept messing up my life i had no hope. i felt empty, so i would fill it up with my addictions. i used to call it turning into a monster. whether it was booze, drugs,sex or adreniline. i became a monster. a different person. i felt on fire and i loved it. the funny thing is, im starting to feel a little of that burn lately but it is different. more of a slow steady burn. i like it.
