PM - your thread feels like déjà vu for me because I was having the exact same conversations late last week.
I had same fears holding me back from letting go and moving forward with my own life and honoring my W's wishes to D...
Fear of not loving her anymore and fear that I've grown too much and if I leave and continue my journey without her then I may be too far past her. Here's what I've been told that is helping me finally start moving:
I will always love her and care about her and that is fine. If this doesn't go the way I hoped it doesn't mean my feelings wil stop, they will just change. I'll always love her and cherish her, it just may not be as my W.
Remember, she is choosing this path so if you (we) really love them why don't we honor their wishes and let hem go on the journey they've picked.
Fear of growing past her is a concern as well and I've read/ talked with many people living it. My thought is yes, this has already happened and will likely continue. IF she decides she wants to R and I decide it's still what I want she'll need this new version of me. She didn't like the old me so the new me is probably a good thing. I now have tools to improve our communication and our appreciation of each other. I understand healthy boundaries and finally have self worth and know how to make myself happy. I also can help her work through some of her stuff if she wants that from me and if not at least I can now be patient to let her work through them at her pace.
If we can drop the rope it's a win/ win for us. We either continue to grow and our W's realize what they are missing and try to R or they don't and as hard as it is to believe we have lost a burden in our lives because like it or not that's what they could be if they don't really want us.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
