round and around we go

[Tallula]

I talk to a coach tomorrow. I know the things I should do... Implementing them is much harder!
I've not called or sent a text today. I just write in my journal what I would say. H has not called or text kids. not even D15(cp) which he usually does everyday. I have always encouraged the kids to spend time with their dad. I'll suggest movies, I'll have him take the kids to dinner so I can study.D15 would ask why don't I go. I would say, oh, I need to study...When H is at home ,I'll tell S16 off the computer, spend time with dad.

I don't know that I can say that he tried. He did come back home for 2 weeks. Maybe his version of trying but it wasn't 100%. He had contacted OW before coming home. Caught him in two too many lies.
I want to lose the expectations. Hardest for me. I thought my H was a standup guy. I know he's human. I know he is sad. I wish he would get some help.
He thinks the kids will be ok. Yes, they will, but I also think he has scarred them. I am the one at home being the parent.
ok, enough about him. Got to stop doing this. Was reading someone's post about anger...jp I think...Need to get beyond it. Its no good.

Haven't decided about this weekend yet. on the one hand, nice for H to have time with kids. They will eat out all meals. He will sleep in our bed. On the other hand, I am allowing cake eating. He will leave town on sunday when I get back. Time with kids is at his convenience. He couldn't be with them last week because he had "other plans" I am also trying LRT. The kids won't stay at his apt. so that is not an option.

Whether you think he has tried & what percentage isn't the point. Focusing on that just fuels your anger, which is totally understandable.

Is it the kids who choose to not stay at his apartment? If so, that's not on you. Neither is him texting or not texting them. They & he are old enough to manage their own R & probably have their own feelings about what he is doing. Adinva has kids around yours ages, check out her threads!!

I was referring to going out of town. You should go! Him staying at your house isn't cake eating. Cake eating would be sleeping, living and acting like a wife while he has an affair. Having him stay at your house to watch the kids while you go out of town is not.

The main thing is to keep your anger from influencing your actions. Is this fair? No!! Is your H being a stand up guy? No! I Believe affairs are abusive. I wouldn't wish the pain I've gone through on my H. Well, there were many moments I did
But I had to decide who I wanted to be in this. I have set firm boundaries with my H, and but for a few times, have treated him with love and respect. Even when he was not showing me any.

You can do this! It's so hard, and the price our children pay for our H's selfish behavior is maddening. But I know my kids are better off since I'm walking through this with as much compassion as I can.