Honeypot, No, they did not check the testosterone levels. That is what I was asking for. He has never lost the ability to have an erection but they were not what they used to be because of the medication he was on so the Cialis (couldn't remember that last night for the life of me!) definitely helped.
Quote: Also, I had one other thought...maybe he was not fully "there" because he was nervous. You know, thinking "If I have these pills, she will be expecting this of me all the time." Some people just don't want to want, and it is a mystery why not.
I think that this is a definite possiblity. We did have a long talk Friday evening when I got home from out of town. I had a lot of time to think while driving a 300 mile round trip that day.
He said that he did not know the long term effects of the medication and that viagra had caused heart problems for some people. I did tell him then that if he did not want to take this medication that I would understand.
When we were ranting at each other Thursday he said he would just divorce me and I could marry someone else and have all the sex I wanted. I told him that I did not want to divorce him for God's sake and he said that when 2 peoples desire levels were so different that it caused problems (obviously).
I told him Friday that I had had time to give this a lot of consideration on the drive that day. I said that I wanted to see a doctor and I wanted to get on tranquilizers for two reasons.
1. I feel like a crazy person these days. I am always on edge and cranked out of shape. I scream at the kids and am in general a nervous wreak.
2. The medication would calm me down and most likely lower my own libido and then we would have a matched set again.
He was against that. He said I did not need medication and should not take it. (we both are against any unnecessary medication and always have been) I told him that I did not like being upset all the time and that the medication could help me at this time in my life.
My grandmother had a wonderful saying. She always said: "Do not grasp at the shadow and lose the substance"
The last thing that I want to do is grasp the shadow (more sex) and lose the substance (him). My desire for him stems from my love for him.
I feel like I am in a catch 22. The last thing I'd ever want to do is make my H feel like he was disappointing me. He has always been a self-assured, confident man & that is the way I want him to stay.
When we were talking the other day he said the pills would be to expensive to take everyday and I said that I did not expect everyday but every weekend would be nice! I could see that distressed him somewhat but I do not ever expect him to take the pills if he has had a bad week or feels bad at the time. My concern is always for his health but in the past we would always show each other articles that we came across on evidence of people that had sex on a regular basis having better, longer, more fulfilling lives.
I do realize that sex is not the end all be all of existance. I noted on Corri's post about her H's former flame being a sexual dynamo but the relationship fell apart in spite of that. I would not trade my marriage today for a marriage with a sex manic. Marriage is more than great sex.
I have not been able to get him to understand that it is the physical closeness that I also crave. He has never been very demonstrative and I got my quota of hugs and kisses when we made love. It was so nice to be held and to feel his entire body laying next to mine.
Thanks for the post Honeypot. I am going to still try to have that level of T tested. I want his passion as well - I know I am greedy - I want it all.
