Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

I don't know what my expectation is? My hope is that he would actually open up & tell me his "plan". I don't even really know if I want him to leave? I go back & forth. I don't want him being numb to everything while he is home. He states he is still here for the girls, but his interactions with them are lackluster. I guess I just want the feeling of it to be more peaceful. I know that's a lot to ask for considering the situation. So, yes I want him here & I want him gone. I'm confused.

Next week I'll hit the 12 week mark with the pregnancy & feel like I'm ready to start telling people. This has been eating up my thoughts as well. If I do start telling people I think I will sit H down & let him know. I'm not saying I'm going to start calling all our friends & family & announcing, but just telling them as I see them. H will get calls & texts after that. I'm curious how he would/will react to people when they start congratulating him since they don't know our situation.

My 180s are not to pursue, not text or force communication throughout the day, spend time in different rooms in the evening, not say I love you. Those are come to the top of my head.

GALs have been excercising, reading, meeting up with friends more often. Doing more just mom & daughter activities.