round and around we go

[Tallula]

"H decided to leave without giving us a chance."

I felt the same way. It was out of the blue!! I remember sobbing to my best friend "He isn't even trying, he is just DONE!!!" My H sprung on me that he was done, divorce....END!! I have a VM and text from him the day before

VM: "Hey, gorgous!! I was just thinking of your beautiful smile and thought I'd like to hear your sexy voice.

Text: You are the best wife, EVER!! Thanks for my lunch today, and the (ML) the night before.

But, I remember just going round and round with him for the 2 weeks until I found DB. I tried to push MC, date nights, whatever I could. I just saw him as giving up without even trying. But, what I see now is that we both spent 6 months "telling" each other we were unhappy...without ever telling each other. So I had to start to wrap my brain around the fact that he did feel like he had tried. And that I didn't hear him. And that our versions of trying are different. Just because it doesn't look the way I think it should, doesn't invalidate his feels that he did try.

That mental shift was and has been huge for me. His feelings aren't fact, nor are mine. They just are. His feelings that I was a terrible wife didn't make it so. But I could listen, validate and go on about my life without agreeing to it or defending myself. This is been just as paramount to MY happiness has the loss of expecations.