You missed the critical sentence in my above diatribe.
Quote: The challenge for both he and I is making room and making time for EVERYONE'S passions because we are valued and loved for the individuals we are.
I think this is the challenge of any marriage, and if you get into the 'you go first, no, you go first,' then you've introduced a 'control' issue that quickly consumes EVERYONE'S needs.
I think the biggest, BIGGEST issue confronting most LDs is the fact that they either ignore, or truly do not understand everything that CeMar explained above about HDs.
I think the biggest, BIGGEST issue confronting most HDs is accepting the fact their spouse does not derive the same emotional/physical fulfillment from passionate physical encounters, regardless of the form, as they do.
These are opposite ends of the spectrum.
But you need a weight on each end to achieve balance. The trick is moving those weights as close to the middle as you can, and still maintain balance. This involves moving toward the center, together, with the same relative speed. Any fluctuation in movement or speed is going to throw the balance one way or the other.
You can argue til the cows come home... 'you're going too fast, no, you're moving too slow!!' But that does not erase the fact that, in order to meet in the middle with the least amount of resistance or seasawing, you have to do it together, and at the same relative speed.
In this scenario, if balance is the goal (i.e, having a good marriage), it doesn't matter who the hell is right or wrong, good or bad, whatever, you WILL NOT achieve balance unless you do it together. And THAT is the biggest hurdle of all, hm?
