You are sweet to care, thank you. But please don't misundertand my post. I DO understand his needs, his need for passion, and what that does for him. And because I DO love him, and I passionately want him to feel loved by me, I think I am doing my very best to give that to him because it is what HE needs. Again, like Michele says, I give to him the way he needs for me to give, not the way *I'd* prefer to give.
I will not EVER apologize for being who I am. I don't think I'm a flawed human, or that I should be more like him (I know you didn't say that I was). What I DO resent, however, is when he says I SHOULD be more like him, that I SHOULD want to have sex as much as him because that would prove to him that he is indeed the center of my world.
All that would do is make me the female version of him, and that's not who I am. I have my own needs, my own wants, my own passions, and I don't think I should ever have to give that up for anyone. The challenge for both he and I is making room and making time for EVERYONE'S passions because we are valued and loved for the individuals we are.
Before my H and I met, he was involved with a woman for five years who was a sexual dynamo. Built like a brick sh!thouse, sexy, attractive, and she LOVED to have sex. On that score, I don't think you could have found a female on the planet who was more sexually suited for my H.
If your theories hold true, CeMar, since my H was getting all the lovin' he could possibly want with the passion thrown in to boot, those two should have been the match made in heaven.
But that relationship fell apart (before I came into the picture if you are wondering) because there were so many other incompatibilities. Believe it or not, you DO have other emotional needs that need to be met, and they are just as important as the physcial/emotional needs from your partner. I think that the lack of physcial love for you is sticking out like a sore thumb right now because you are starved. But to say that 'passion, and him being the center of my world,' is the glue that holds it all together, I think is inaccurate. He HAD that. One of the reasons the relationship fell apart is because SHE DID want to be the center of his world, to the exclusion of all else, and I'm sorry, no matter who you are, no matter if you are LD or HD, that is simply not realistic.
My H has a passion for having sex with me, yes, I agree. But were you to say he has a passion for ME, then everything I did, everything I said, he would feel 'passionate' about, because those things are part of who I am. But he doesn't. He gets annoyed when things I feel passionate about interfere with his time. There are things I am passionate about that are just painfully hard for HIM to be passionate about. Now, I could sit here and say that because he is NOT passionate about everything I am passionate about, the things that make me feel really, really good about myself, then that must mean he doesn't really love me.
Does that sound healthy to you?
Part of what you are dealing with is that your wife is completely ignorant of what your needs really mean to you, and how not having those needs met is ripping you apart. Because she says it's not important to her, it shouldn't be important to you.... and that is every bit as hurtful and every bit as destructive as my H saying to me that it should be as important to me as it is to him. It is equally unfair.
