Looking to keep hope alive

[ALF213]

Hello everyone. First time poster. I have been reading Divorce Busting and found my way here. I've read through some of the posts and this looks like a helpful/supportive community. I could use some help getting through this, no matter how it turns out.

Here is a brief background of my situation...

My wife of 10 years has felt I haven't listened to her concerns at times during our marriage. At first, she gave me the benefit of the doubt. More recently, she viewed my actions (or lack of action at times) as hurtful. About 6 months ago she told me ILYBINILWY, but said she wanted to work on it. We tried counseling, but I did everything wrong you could possibly do (I just learned this recently). I cried, pleaded, became a pushover, ask for reassurance, and talked and talked and talked. I became weak and insecure, which is not who I am. I pushed her out the door. She even used those exact words. I cemented every reason she was questioning in her head about leaving.

Two weeks ago she told me it was over and she wanted a divorce. She hasn't filed yet because she was unsure of what to do financially. We cannot afford to rent an apartment. We have both made arrangements to stay with friends off and on while the other stays home with our two children (D9 and S5). She seems more comfortable as to what the future holds, and I believe she will file soon. We are still in the same house for two more weeks because we are waiting until the kids are out of school to tell them.

I do not want my marriage to end. She has said that if she could see us working out, that would be her first choice. But she says she just can't see that possibility anymore. She has seen some changes in me in the last couple weeks (as well as some old/bad actions), but she says its too late. I do notice her being more sad, than upset, that this is happening. The hardest part for me through this is never knowing what I should be doing. Between family, close friends, and the MC, I never knew if what I was doing was right. We have always got along extremely well, and I'm doing my best to play nice. I still care about her very much. It hurts to be know that my actions, even if unintentional, were hurtful to her.

Last night, I finally just asked her questions and listened. I talked, but not nearly as much as I normally do (its something I'm really working on). I over-talk. I asked her questions about how she felt when she thought I was ignoring her feelings. In the past, I would offer solutions and be positive when she was feeling down. I thought I was helping, but she just needed someone to listen. Last night, I tried to just listen. She spoke more than me, which does not happen when we discuss our relationship/marriage. Mostly because I just never shut up. To her, this was controlling. It took me a while to see why. So while trying to just listen, it allowed her to talk. She got emotional which is not common for her. I'm not sure if thats a breakthrough or not. She expressed concerns about needing space from and its hard while we are still in the same house.

What actions give me the best chance of saving my marriage from this point?

Thank your for listening.